


Baby

by Camelabrakedabra



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Babysitter AU, Heartbreak, M/M, also Mark's multiple heartbreaks, ft Johnny being good with kids, in which Mark has a crush on his older babysitter, plus a very awkward sex education talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11459178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelabrakedabra/pseuds/Camelabrakedabra
Summary: Mark Lee always remembered the first time he met Johnny Seo. He had been his babysitter for years, right up until the day before he moved away for university, and he had promised that they could marry when they grew up, if that was what Mark wanted.





	1. Baby Boy

Mark Lee would never forget the day that he met Johnny Seo.

He was five at the time, having just moved to Korea with his family, and his parents had introduced him to their friends the day after they arrived in the country. The fifteen year old had smiled brightly at him in a way that left Mark's stomach feeling funny, and he had shyly moved towards him and held his arms out to be hugged. Probably a weird move for a child to be doing, considering that they had only just met, but the older boy had been sweet to him from the start and glanced over to his parents for permission before lifting the kid up to hug him.

Mark was instantly attached to him. There was something about the way that Johnny balanced him with one arm as he used the other to straighten out his shirt and ruffle his hair that had the child captivated. He had started babbling to Johnny in English about nothing in particular, and the older boy had seemed to understand everything that he was saying, even asking questions here and there until his mother pointed out that Mark needed to speak more Korean instead. He had switched the language to encourage him to speak that one instead, correcting some of the words that Mark pronounced incorrectly and smiling whenever he got it right.

"Are you excited for big brother Johnny to be your babysitter, then?"

Mark's head snapped around towards his mother. It had never been brought up with him, probably since he was too young to really understand it and may have been upset if Johnny had been introduced to him initially as his new babysitter, but now that he had seen him, he was more than a little excited. He looked back towards the older boy with happiness glistening in his eyes as he was told how Johnny was going to be picking him up after school and spending a few hours with him every night before his parents got back from work. Apparently, they were going to have fun together, making sure that Mark was remembering what he'd been taught in his classes then watching cartoons together, and they were even allowed to have snacks occasionally if he was good.

He was still buzzing about it when the first day of school came. His teacher must've heard at least thirty times during the day about how his big brother Johnny was coming to collect him after kindergarten and they were going home to spend more time together afterwards and his big brother was in middle school already. Mark could barely sit still all day during classes, barely managing to talk about anything else all day until he finally finished school and had to wait for Johnny to turn up. It had taken a painfully long time, but the older boy had come running over a little while after everyone else, and had apologised profusely for getting out of his classes too late to collect Mark when all of the other kids were picked up by their parents. The child hadn't held it against him in the slightest, though; he had instead greeted Johnny with open arms and asked to be carried home, since his legs were tired from playing and learning all day.

Johnny informed him that he wasn't going to make a habit of it, and that Mark was going to have to walk home himself from that point on, but he was always a bit soft for the child and ended up carrying him home each day until he was too big to carry home.

He was six at that point, and relatively tall for his age. Johnny made a point of telling him that on his sixth birthday, that he'd suddenly grown even taller overnight, but he'd let him know that his sixth birthday was the last time he was able to carry him home. Mark hadn't been happy about it, but he'd understood since Johnny's back was sometimes sore when they got home. It had started to affect their play a bit, since he usually had to rest for a full half hour when they got back, and Mark knew that it wasn't just him being lazy because he would always be really excited to start playing again when they had the chance.

It was at that point, too, that his parents had decided to think about their relationship as well as their work, their kids, and other responsibilities, since they had somewhat neglected it after the move in order to get their family back on track. As always, Mark's older brother spent more time with his friends and doing work for his classes than he did spending time with Mark, so the only solution seemed to be asking Johnny to make sure that the evenings were more enjoyable for their youngest. He had immediately agreed to occasionally stay over and sleep in their spare room in order to allow Mark's parents to go on date nights, and that was without them having mentioned the extra pay that he would end up receiving as a result of the extended hours and the fact that quite frankly, Mark was so energetic sometimes that it was physically and emotionally draining. It seemed as if Johnny genuinely enjoyed being around the kid, though, which was a definite bonus as far as they were concerned, since he was always a pleasure to have over as it was.

It had been kept as a secret up until the moment that Mark had known that Johnny was due to start heading home, around a half hour after his parents had arrived home from work, and the child had launched himself at his babysitter to give him one of the tightest hugs possible. Johnny had laughed and informed him that he was staying over and they were going to be having a lot more fun that evening, and Mark's face had lit up in such a pure and innocent manner that the older boy had had to pick him up anyway to give him hugs.

They had changed into nightwear almost straight away, with Johnny having chosen to wear superhero bed trousers and a graphic shirt to match Mark's favourite pair of cotton print pajamas. The evening had started out with video games, although they had to cut it off early since Mark's parents didn't really like him playing them for too long, but had eventually progressed to Johnny helping Mark with his homework. The child sat in his lap as they read together and worked on his handwriting, and when he reached particular milestones, he was rewarded with candy. It was something that Johnny wasn't supposed to give him before dinner, but it had quickly become their little secret and it had certainly motivated Mark to do well, as if working to impress Johnny wasn't enough.

Following that, though, they had had to have some quiet time in which Mark watched television and Johnny pulled out a book to read. The child was easily tired out from doing school work at home, so the time had been an attempt to help him to recover his energy, although Johnny had informed him that he was welcome to suggest a game for them to play whenever he was feeling awake enough to do so.

It had taken around a half hour for it to reach that point, and the thought had come on rather suddenly for Mark when the topic was mentioned briefly in his show. He had tried to put off mentioning it for a while, through fear of rejection, but eventually he figured that Johnny was nice enough to have a genuine reason if he was going to tell him that his game wasn't allowed.

"Johnny, do you know what we spoke about at school today?" Mark's heart was thumping hard in his chest as he shuffled to sit closer to the babysitter. Johnny's eyes snapped up from his book. He quickly placed the bookmark between the pages and put it to the side, figuring that he could always work on it some more once Mark had gone to bed, then shuffled around to face the child.  
"What did you learn today, Mark?"  
"We learned that you marry people that you love. Is that right?"

Johnny's mouth twitched into a smile as he nodded his head. "Yeah, that's right. Are you asking me because you've got a girlfriend or boyfriend and you want to marry them when you're older?"  
"The only person I really love is my big brother Johnny. Can I marry him?"

Growing up, Mark always remembered the answer he was given to that question, and it was something he respected about Johnny more than anything.

"Of course you can, if you love him enough. I'll tell you what - you plan out the wedding, and when we're older, we can get married."  
"Can we plan it out now, then? And maybe play pretend?" When Johnny agreed that it was a good idea, Mark had asked him to get up a list of things that they needed for their wedding on his phone, and of course Johnny had done that too in an instant.

Mark had decided that pajamas were perfectly fine to get married in, whilst gummy rings certainly made decent wedding bands. They could borrow the flowers from his mother's bouquet, as long as they put them back carefully when they were done, and the fireplace could easily make do as the altar. Since it was just them, they could skip all of the invitations and guest lists, and Johnny promised that they could take some photos on his phone together once they were married. There was a mutual agreement, in the end, to leave the honeymoon until they were a bit older; after all, Mark still had school on Monday and his teachers probably wouldn't be happy if they went away together.

Johnny had seemed to be particularly amused when Mark suggested rap music for their wedding song, but had gone along with it anyway. It didn't quite fit the theme, but he was more than happy to play whatever song needed to be played when it came to it. They found some vows online, then finally got started on reading them out to each other.

He had even made a point of making it educational by getting Mark to read it out loud, in order to improve his pronunciation even if he didn't quite understand all of the words. Mark had been incredibly proud of himself when he finally managed to finish up the reading without even needing too much help, and Johnny had rewarded him by helping to put the ring on his finger, then popping another one straight into Mark's mouth.

"Can I kiss you now? Because we said our vows and we gave each other rings? That's right, isn't it?" Johnny squatted down so that he was at Mark's eye level and squeezed his eyes shut as he pouted his lips. He hadn't said a word, but Mark guessed from how he was sat there that he was giving permission for him to give the kiss, and so he rushed forwards and pressed a really quick kiss to his now-husband's lips. Johnny's mouth twitched into a grin as he did so, and he immediately picked Mark up to spin him around as he informed him that they were now married, at least until they were older.

Their wedding dance had been more Mark standing on Johnny's feet and being spun around than anything, but neither of them particularly minded. Johnny was tall so it was sort of difficult to do it otherwise, and it meant that Mark couldn't trip over him by being too enthusiastic with his dancing. All in all, it had ended up with Johnny lifting Mark so that they could bounce around the room without him having to keep bending over, and it was just generally a sweet way to finish up their fake wedding.

"What about our wedding meal?" Mark finally asked once they had finished the first song and sat down. He didn't want to push it too much and leave Johnny exhausted so early on in the evening, but he was so excited to make it feel like they were really married that he could hardly contain himself.  
"What would you like to eat for our wedding meal?" Mark thought about it for a few seconds, before his eyes lit up and he stared at Johnny longingly.  
"Can we get pizza and ice cream?" That was something that definitely wasn't allowed. His parents had told him that junk food wasn't a good choice for him if he really wanted to be a dancer in the future like he said he did, and they had specifically set out rice and fish with mixed vegetables for Johnny to cook for dinner tonight. Nevertheless, though, Johnny seemed somewhat tempted.

"How well can you pretend we ate the fish tonight if I take you out for dinner?"  
"Really really well! I promise!"  
"Okay, lets get you dressed out of your pajamas and go to dinner, then. Just us two. And you can't tell your parents or your big brother because they'll be really upset with me for giving you junk food, okay?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From another half-written AU idea that was left in a word document, this one had ultimately turned out to be relatively cute, so I thought it would be best to get it finished and see it through to the end.
> 
> It'll eventually end up with pining teenager Mark still waiting for the day that Johnny asks for his hand in marriage, which won't necessarily work out as planned for him seeing as Johnny is ten years older in this AU and all, but there'll be some fluff and it won't end on a bad note (since I'm not sure how much more dramatic these fic ideas can get lately, following AUs of forbidden romance, death, and couples who seem as if they're staying together forever, only for their dreams to be completely crushed)!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	2. Sweetcakes

In the space of a year, Mark grew a lot. Johnny made sure to remind him that he was growing up and made a huge deal of it every time he saw him, and it was like his special little way of making Mark feel important.

Surprisingly, he had still managed to stay completely calm with Mark at all times, despite the child being annoying on occasion. His homework would be slipped straight into his bag if Mark wanted to play together, and he would even sit the child on his lap to watch things together. If he had food, he would offer Mark his spoon here and there, and he didn't even get annoyed when Mark littered his face with sloppy little kisses.

Mark's parents were amazed at how they'd bonded and so began to invite Johnny to more and more of their family events. Over that year, he'd gone out to eat with them on a handful of occasions, and he was always invited along whenever something was happening at Mark's school. He'd been to parent and teacher meetings, plays, sports events and fundraisers, and Mark was always bragging about his big brother being there to support him. They'd even been to the park and farms and cinemas together, too. It was as if he was gradually becoming a part of their direct family, and Mark was always thrilled to have his favourite person there with them when they went out.

Even when he was babysitting, he was starting to become more and more like a third parent figure, too, since he always made sure to take care of everything for Mark. From encouraging him to try different foods, to taking care of him when he was sick; Johnny made sure to go above and beyond whenever Mark needed him, past what a regular babysitter would usually do.

Then there was the bedtime routine. Mark had only recently started to get scared of the dark, but Johnny had immediately gone online with him to find the perfect night light to make him feel safe. It was a disappointment that it would take several weeks to arrive, but he had also come up with a few solutions to help Mark sleep in the meantime. "Will you check the room for monsters?" Mark would squeak every night, and Johnny would make sure to check absolutely every inch of the room before handing him a flashlight. It was in case of emergencies, he said, and besides, the two main rules for monsters were that they could only move in the shadows and they were scared of the flashlight. He put up black out curtains to stop any light from coming into the room from the street, just to prevent the shadows that would scare the child, then pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead as he started his usual task of stroking Mark's hand until he fell asleep.

He would continue to draw circles on his palm and sing to the child every night until Mark would drift off, and it gradually got to the point where he ended up recording a song for Mark to fall asleep to when he wasn't there to take him to bed.

Johnny was also incidentally there to witness Mark's first nightmare one night after his parents had gone out. They had gone through the usual ritual that night, but Mark had woken again just a few hours later following a particularly bad dream where a clown was chasing him with a knife. He had jolted upright and screamed out loud, and he was absolutely drowning in cold sweat as he scrambled for the flashlight. His hand knocked it from his table, though, and it fell down to the floor, and so he was left simply screaming for his babysitter to come to his bedside.

Of course, Johnny was at his side immediately. Both arms wrapped tightly around him as Mark sobbed into his shoulder, and Johnny simply stroked his hair as he whispered over and over again that he was there to protect Mark and make sure that he was okay. It took a while for Mark to calm down, but eventually he stammered a nervous comment about how he'd wet the bed, and whilst a part of him had expected that his babysitter would be angry at him for it, Johnny instead scooped him up from the wet bedsheets and told him that he would deal with it later.

It was only when Mark grew older that he realised that it was probably disgusting for the seventeen year old to have his arms wrapped around the upper thighs of a sweaty, urine-soaked child in order to carry him through to the bathroom, but Johnny didn't seem to mind at all at the time. He carefully placed Mark down next to the bath as he started to run the water, but helped the child to remove his wet clothes straight away so that he wasn't left feeling uncomfortable as he waited for his bath. Johnny passed over his jumper to keep Mark warm whilst they waited, and then started to search around for his towel and a jug.

As soon as the water was ready, Johnny pulled the jumper back off Mark before helping him into the bath and kneeling to the side of him. They ended up talking about what they were going to do the following morning, and although Johnny had a list of things that they could do whilst they allowed Mark's parents to sleep in for a bit longer, the child somehow managed to convince him that going to an aquarium or zoo was a better idea. Admittedly it did sound rather fun, but Johnny pointed out that Mark would have to be up early in order to travel to the nearest attractions.

Mark was feeling a lot better once they had discussed how they were going to spend the rest of their time together that weekend, and so Johnny felt that it was time to get him washed up properly. He was surprisingly good at washing Mark's hair, despite having rarely helped out with bathtime, and managed to get all of the soap suds out without getting any in the child's eyes. He let Mark wash the rest of his body before finally helping him to stand, then wrapped the huge towel around him as best as possible before getting him to stand on the bathmat.

"Are you ready to sleep again, then?" Mark tried to come up with every justification as not to go straight back to bed, and whilst it probably seemed as if he was making excuses to try and stay up with Johnny, the babysitter could immediately tell that it was something more than that. He was well aware of the fact that Mark was still shaken up after his nightmare, even if he had calmed since he woke up, and so he decided that he wasn't going to force the child to sleep if he didn't want to.  
"Maybe we can watch a film together and I can take you back to bed in an hour or two."

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" His voice was tiny, as if he was worried about asking such a question, but Johnny simply gave a little nod. That was what he was probably expecting, as far as Mark was concerned, so he was a lot nicer about it than a lot of people would be.  
"We're going to get you into some soft pajamas first, though, okay? And I just need to put your clothes in the washing machine so they're all clean for tomorrow. We'll watch something until you're feeling sleepy again and then we'll go through to the spare room together."

He hadn't mentioned the bed wetting incident at all, which Mark appreciated a lot. There was a playful back and forth as Johnny tried to get the child to keep his towel wrapped around himself, whilst Mark kept dropping it as he tried to hold his arms out to be held, but eventually Johnny ended up turning him into a burrito before scooping him back up and taking him through to his room to pick out new pajamas.

"Do you have any like this pair?" Mark asked as he pointed to plain white pajamas on top of the pile.  
"I have a white t-shirt and shorts in the spare room, if that works. I'll get changed into them when we go to bed, though, because I'm a bit cold right now." It did work, as far as Mark was concerned, so those pajamas became the ones he'd wear and his babysitter would match him as they slept together.

The towel was big enough for Johnny to rub his hair as Mark dried his body. His hair was combed by the time his skin was dry enough to dress, although Johnny had to help him with his back before he could pull his shirt on. It was awkward to get the clothing on, with it being so soon after his bath, but eventually they managed to get him dressed up again properly, and Mark's arms were immediately back up for Johnny to carry him again.

Naturally, Johnny scooped him straight back up into his arms as he headed towards the main room and sat down on the sofa with him. Johnny appeared to have a sort of protective paternal instinct as soon as Mark showed any sign of being scared or uncomfortable, and so he simply allowed the child to sit on him and choose what film out make him feel a lot calmer again. They ended up finding the original High School Musical film in English and as much as Mark tried to pretend that it was for girls and he didn't like that sort of thing, Johnny could see that he did actually want to watch it. He slipped him a subtle comment about how it's a rather good film, which earned an excited glance in his direction from the child, followed by a softly-spoken question about whether it would be worth checking out, just to see if it was really for girls, as the boys from school told him.

Johnny agreed that it was worth a shot and informed him that they could always switch it off if he didn't like it. Luckily, though, Mark quickly decided that the film definitely wasn't just for girls as he started to get more and more into it. Johnny was pleased to see that he was really interested in the film and was constantly monitoring whether he was enjoying it and how tired he was getting to be, and he even got the lyrics to the songs up on his phone so that they could sing along together.

Finally, they got to the end of the film, and the room was silent again once the credits finished rolling. They sat in complete silence for a minute or so until Mark eventually exaggerated a yawn, and Johnny made a point of asking whether he wanted to watch something else or not.

"Johnny, I'm feeling sleepy now. Can we go to bed?" Mark turned his entire body around so that he could face Johnny as he rubbed at his eyes and buried his face in the fabric of his babysitter's shirt. Johnny was quick to scoop him back up again and so he started carrying Mark around as he switched off the television in the main room, put the washing on, then locked all of the doors and windows. It came to the point where they could go to bed, and by that point Mark was already starting to fall asleep against his babysitter's shoulder. They got to the spare bedroom just a few minutes later, where Johnny placed Mark on the bed before changing into the shirt and shorts then finally climbed in next to him.

As soon as he was under the covers, Mark shuffled over so that his head was pressed against the babysitter's chest. Johnny's arm moved to wrap around him and pull him closer, and Mark immediately relaxed under his touch as he inhaled the scent of lavender washing powder. "Are you comfy?" Mark gave a little nod as Johnny pressed a little kiss to the top of his head and gave the gentlest of squeezes to his arm.

Mark was asleep in a matter of minutes and was absolutely thrilled when he woke up again the next morning to see that Johnny was still next to him. His babysitter was still asleep by his side, and Mark immediately felt his heart start to beat faster when he saw Johnny's sleeping face. It was a bit strange for him to see his babysitter like that, seeing as he had only really seen his family members in that position before, but it was nice to see Johnny looking so relaxed.

It didn't take too much longer for him to wake up fully and despite the fact that Mark's parents were already awake and waiting for them in the main room, Mark and Johnny still went ahead and had a good day together to give his mother and father some time to themselves. From that point, it started to become a regular occurence for Johnny to be like a third parent figure whenever Mark needed him to step up, and it was something that Mark started to depend on more and more as time went on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back from the month away!! It's worked out for the best when it comes to writing this fic, actually, since whilst I've had difficulty in writing whilst I was away, I've learnt a lot about interacting with children.
> 
> To start with, I was worried that Johnny would be unrealistic for a young adult with children, but at the same time I've spent so much time bonding with the younger kids at work that it's relatively plausible now, as far as I'm concerned. I haven't really spent too much time with kids in a workplace like that, but in the end, it went from being primarily teaching and taking them on trips, to wiping their tears when they were upset, cleaning dirty knees and helping them to get to sleep. It's generally given a much better insight on how I want Johnny and Mark's relationship to go, so hopefully it should make for easier writing.
> 
> Thank you for staying with me!! <3


	3. Pumpkin Pie

Mark was eight when everything came crashing down.

He had been that naive sort of child to expect that his time with his babysitter would never end, but there he was, wishing Johnny a safe journey for university. Honestly, it was the last thing that he wanted to do, but he never would've been able to live with himself if he hadn't done it, even if he was almost too upset to see Johnny to the door.

Having grown up in America, Johnny had a love for adventure and exploration, and so didn't want to stay in Seoul to continue his studies after so many years of living in the exact same house and having the exact same routine. He had chosen to study as far away from home as physically possible whilst still living in Korea, and so he was forced to move across the country as a result. He had made sure to babysit Mark right up until the day before he left, though, and made sure to give him a week of notice before he went, just in case his parents hadn't mentioned it to him.

Mark was _distraught_. He had spent the entire day at school feeling particularly down, even after Johnny kissed his forehead and told him to have a good day when dropping him off that morning, and he'd spent most of the evening cuddling Johnny as he cried into his shirt. Whilst Johnny had started out with trying to comfort him, in the end he had figured that it was better for Mark to let it all out so that he would feel better afterwards, and so they had simply laid together as Mark sobbed.

He didn't want to seem like a baby. That was probably his worst nightmare, if he was being honest. He wanted more than anything to appear really mature and grown up, but after so many years of daily parties with his babysitter, he felt absolutely cheated by fate and wanted nothing more than to be swallowed up by the ground so that he'd be gone before his precious Johnny left first. Johnny had had to kiss him on his face and hair at least twenty times over the space of just a few hours, and Mark had spent the rest of the night whining that he wanted more and he needed to be held and he was feeling really unwell so his babysitter had to love on him.

Finally, it hit the point where Johnny had to leave. He made sure to kneel down to Mark's height and tell him that he loved him, and of course Mark threw himself in Johnny's direction to hug him even tighter than he had done at any point since school had ended. He cried some more, Johnny comforted him some more, and then finally his parents suggested that maybe it might be best if Mark let go so that Johnny could go home and prepare for his trip to university.

It was going to be fine, Johnny told him; he would keep in contact as much as possible and anyone who would take up the role as Mark's babysitter in the future would be lucky to have him. That just led to more tears, although this time Johnny was forced to dab them away with a tissue to avoid having the boy leap at him again and never let go. 

"I love you," he told Mark with a fond smile, "And I'm always going to remember you."

Johnny left just minutes later, and Mark could feel his entire world destructing in a matter of seconds. He suddenly regretted everything, from the way he'd gotten hungry and eaten his wedding ring, to the way he barely managed to stammer out that he loved Johnny too. It was his first time experiencing heartbreak, and frankly it was going to be the most painful time, as far as he was concerned.

Yet, life moved on. Johnny moved away, Mark continued going to school as if nothing had changed. He'd just moved into second grade and had had a few days to settle in before Johnny's departure, so there wasn't much space for him to suddenly grow shy again, and the only difference really was the fact that he tried to avoid discussing his babysitter as much as possible when he was at school. Luckily his classmates seemed to understand; either one of his friends or the teacher must have told them not to bring up the fact that his big brother wasn't there to drop him off and pick him up again every day, but he frankly appreciated it more than anything.

Mark grew up just fine, in the end, even if it was a struggle for the first few months.

The letters from Johnny continued to come in here and there, whenever he wasn't too busy with his degree, but frankly it left Mark missing him even more. As much as they promised to still see each other when they could, the reality of the situation was that Johnny wasn't home much at all, and when he was, he was spending time with his family and unable to get away to see the child of a family friend. It was a disappointment but Mark completely understood; it took a few years for him to get that it was just nice to have his attention for a couple of minutes here and there when the letters did come in, but he finally came to forgive the hurt that had been dwelling when he was younger and waiting for the day that Johnny would end up coming back to his door.

That period of disappointment was the worst for him, though. He was lonely almost constantly and having to find new ways to make friends without having anyone there to nudge him forwards. His new babysitter wasn't anywhere near as good as Johnny, even though she tried her hardest every day to appear fun and loving, and Mark frankly didn't have the time for anyone else. It must've been horrible for her to have seen Mark launching himself across the house with a new found enthusiasm every time Johnny's letters came in, especially when the child would openly brag about whatever was written to him for hours.

It was only made worse when Johnny sent him gifts too. Not only would he parade around the house for days with the gift in hand or securely attached to his body, but he would also insist on taking it to school for show and tell that week. He would practice his speech on the way to school, since he always wanted it to be perfect, and then always asked his new babysitter to ask any questions that she could think of so that he could improve it.

Looking back at it, Mark could easily see how it may have appeared cruel. He had always had that standard, which was set very early on by Johnny himself, yet there was no way of physically reaching that mark since Johnny was the best in his eyes. As much as the new babysitter could try to be as involved with Mark's learning and play as Johnny was, there were some things that she absolutely wouldn't do, and that completely ruined Mark's image of her right from the start. There were no longer any sneaky take out meals or staying up past his bedtime to watch scary films. Mark couldn't pretend to be married to her or play house together, and he certainly wouldn't get to go to the park afterschool if he gave her puppy eyes.

That clear comparison that the child made resulted in a lot of tension, especially when it was coming up to winter break the year after Johnny first left. Johnny was coming home to see his family, but he had also promised that he would be straight over to see Mark the morning after he arrived back. Of course, it had resulted in the child excitedly buzzing around the place and telling absolutely everyone who would listen, from his classmates through to the staff in any shops he went to.

The excitement had lasted for an entire fortnight and only really grew as they got closer to Johnny's arrival date. Mark had even cleaned up all of his toys from the main room of the house and had tidied his bedroom well in advance, which was usually a huge battle, and he insisted on picking out the clothes he wanted to wear for when they met again completely on his own.

Finally, the day arrived. Mark had been awake since six in the morning, which wasn't well appreciated by the babysitter, who had stayed over for the night. She had been invited by Mark's parents to meet Johnny too, so that she would come to understand the bond between him and Mark and why exactly it was almost impossible to outdo the previous babysitter, but arguably having an nine year old boy running around at such an hour wasn't going to be the best start to her day. She was therefore a bit grumpy when she woke fully, although she did try to appear happy in front of Mark as if she'd had the best sleep of her entire life.

The child could see right through it, although frankly he didn't care. He was smart enough to be able to act as if he didn't know that there was something wrong, and she was naive enough to believe that he didn't notice a difference in the way she acted, and so they simply continued pretending throughout the day until Johnny arrived.

Mark had been waiting by the window for the entire day, and so when he finally spotted Johnny up the street on his way towards their house, he instantly shot up from his seat and dashed to put his shoes on, before running straight out of the door to greet him. No amount of calling him back to wait in the house worked; he was set on sprinting out towards him before anyone could even hold him back. Johnny had seemingly expected it, though, since the moment he saw Mark running towards him, he dropped straight down to a crouching position with his arms out for the child and a huge grin on his face.

Their bodies met with enough force to knock Johnny back against the pavement, but he stayed there for a moment just laughing as Mark hugged him tightly and pointed out how much he missed him. It was a tender moment, in which neither of them wanted to let the other free, but eventually Johnny asked if he could stand again as long as he picked the child up, and so he was granted his wish straight away.

Mark was absolutely thrilled when he was scooped up straight away and received affectionate little kisses all over his face, just as he had done before Johnny left him. He was carried back towards the house as they started to discuss everything together, and Mark was quick to invite him to stay for the night, since he wanted his current babysitter to go home and let them have fun together again for a few hours. He was insistent that he didn't want her to be there for long, although he did point out that his parents asked her to meet Johnny to clear the air early on.

He didn't think it needed clearing, though, and made sure to let Johnny know that. She just simply wasn't as good as he was, and she wasn't going to ever outdo Johnny.

They eventually got back into the house after a slow walk over, and Johnny balanced the child on his hip as he removed both of their shoes. Mark made sure to cling as tightly as he could, and continued to do so as they started to make their way towards the main room together.

That was where his current babysitter was waiting. Johnny froze as soon as he spotted her and he seemed a bit wary for a moment, as far as Mark was concerned, but then he quickly loosened up and shook her hand as he introduced himself. That was when Mark noticed a sudden change in her behaviour; she had suddenly gone from trying to be too much like an older sister to being shy and child-like, and he was smacked with an uncomfortable feeling right in the pit of his stomach.

Mark could instantly feel the tension. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but the way that his current babysitter was talking to Johnny caused a spark of jealousy to run through his entire body. He clung a little bit tighter, burying his face into Johnny's neck as he whispered to him that he missed him, and he was absolutely relieved that the older boy returned the phrase to him as he kissed his temple and squeezed him a bit tighter.

As much as he didn't want to be that sort of kid to persistently annoy his visitor, Mark could feel his blood boiling whenever his new babysitter got closer to Johnny and so made sure that at any given point he was getting as much attention as possible. If nothing else, he was coming to dislike her even more; it had quickly gone from a mild irritation due to the fact that she wasn't Johnny to full-blown loathing in a matter of minutes. More than anything, Mark was getting an undying urge to lay claim to Johnny and make sure that it was obvious that he was there to see _him_ and not her, and frankly she could do anything that she wanted to try to separate them but Mark wasn't prepared to let it happen.

Johnny was his for the day, and no one was going to take that away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I'm finding that as much as I thought that writing this would be nice and simple, given the fresh experience with the kids, it's just making me miss them more than anything. I didn't expect to have such a reaction to not seeing them again, but then every time I'm coming to write this, I'm just thinking about my babies again and how I wish they were back in this country again haha
> 
> Even so, though, I've figured that there'll probably be around a chapter a year for Mark and Johnny here, and although this chapter touches on him being nine years old there'll be some more before it hits his tenth birthday, so I'm feeling there's maybe ten more chapters in total??
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	4. Teddy Bear

Johnny wasn't interested in her, or so he said.

It hadn't taken him long to realise that Mark was getting jealous over the way that his babysitter was acting around him, and he was quick to suggest to the child's parents that maybe having her around when they were together was a mistake.

Yet, they'd been insistent on the two of them being around Mark at the same time, since they really needed Mark to move on from him whilst Johnny was away from home. The nine year old loathed it and always made sure to cling to Johnny the entire time, half from fear of him being snatched away again and half out of protectiveness. Of course, Johnny never once complained about the situation and made sure to hold Mark as much as possible.

Mark might have only been young, but he knew what was happening right in front of his eyes.

They had gone to the park together to start with, and whilst Johnny insisted on holding one of Mark's hands to keep it warm, his babysitter had actively tried to get the same treatment, as if she was a child too. It had started off with some hinting about how her fingers were starting to go cold, but then eventually became increasingly obvious to the point where she straight out asked if she could put a hand in Johnny's pocket. As much as he tried to reject her, she continued to whine until eventually he gave in and allowed her to use the pocket. His own hand shifted down to his trouser pocket before their hands could make contact, though, and despite her obvious disappointment, she shut up straight away.

It only continued to develop from there. The babysitter didn't particularly want to play in the park with Mark and Johnny, and instead stood by the side as Johnny pushed the child on the swings and helped him across the monkey bars with only a few raspberries blown on his stomach in the process. Finally it hit the point that Mark always looked forward to, in which Johnny would say that it was time to leave the park and they would have a chase down, but of course the babysitter ruined that for them too.

Johnny made sure to slow down so that Mark had a chance to run ahead of him for a few minutes and burn out his extra energy, then suddenly caught him and scooped him up for tickles and hugs once he managed to catch up. Following that was Mark's turn to catch Johnny, just to make sure that he was completely exhausted from their playtime. Johnny stayed a few feet in front of Mark, making sure not to move too far ahead, until the child just about managed to put on a burst of speed to grab for Johnny's arm.

That was when it started to go downhill. The 'capturing' process involved Mark jumping on Johnny's back and swinging on his arms, as always, but this time the babysitter decided that it was appropriate to start scolding Mark for his behaviour.

It took every bit of strength for him to not cry as she told him that he needed to have more respect for Johnny, and even more so when Johnny himself tried to tell her that it was part of their game, only to be shut down by her too. The scolding hadn't been a few simple statements, but rather developed into a huge rant about how Mark didn't constantly need to be touching Johnny all day every day, and how he could occasionally just keep his hands to himself. It had led to Johnny asking her not to say those sorts of things to Mark, which she seemingly tried to turn into an argument in the middle of the park, but he quickly followed up by asking her if she could wait until they got home to have that discussion.

As much as Johnny had defended him, though, Mark felt awful from that point onwards. He refused to hold Johnny's hand as they left the park, stopped talking completely, and generally tried to stay a few steps away from them both. It started as him not wanting to get scolded again, but then quickly turned to bitterness as he could quite obviously see that she was trying to take Johnny's hand and chat with him instead.

It was nice to see that Johnny was barely responding to her, but the situation still made Mark feel horrible. He hated the feeling of being scolded over his relationship with Johnny and he knew full well that he would mention it if he was uncomfortable with the contact. Although in general Johnny was incredibly patient with him, he had scolded Mark a few times in the past but very gently and in private, in contrast to his current babysitter's firm public style.

The child's poor mood continued through the day and all the way past dinner, even when Johnny tried to feed him slices of his own pizza and offered to buy him ice cream afterwards, and only developed further on the way home. He was certain that his death glares were coming to be increasingly obvious, and he simply punctuated his discontent with pouts and a refusal to speak out loud when he could get away with not doing so.

Mark was especially uncomfortable with having the babysitter alone in the main room with Johnny once he went to bed. He did what he could to get Johnny to stay in his bedroom with him for as long as possible, but in the end the babysitter admitted that he needed to talk to her and couldn't put it off for too long. Mark tried to argue that he needed more comforting, but Johnny simply promised that he'd be in later that night to share his bed, since she had asked to stay for the night too, but he couldn't let anyone treat Mark how she had and get away with it.

That had shut the child up for a moment. Obviously he wanted Johnny to stay in the bedroom with him, but at the same time he knew that Johny was right in saying that no one could speak to him in the way that she spoke to him that afternoon and not be corrected in her discipline methods. He made sure to ask for one more goodnight kiss before allowing Johnny to leave, as horrible as it was to lay in silence with just the glow of his night light to comfort him.

It took just a few minutes for him to hear the hum of voices from the main room. It was horrible to know that they were probably talking about him without him knowing exactly what was being said, and so it ended up taking him less than five minutes to give in to temptation and sneak out of bed.

It was risky to say the least. He was never really the best at that sort of thing, having been caught reading and playing video games after bedtime on more than one occasion, but he was absolutely determined to find out what was being said in the main room. He ended up creeping along the walls until he was stood around the corner to the main room, so that he could listen in but still had the opportunity to flee if someone did come towards the door. It was a pain, since he'd come along part of the way through the conversation, but luckily he could tell how it had built up to that point from the way that they were talking to each other.

"I'm just saying that there was no reason to be so harsh to Mark," Johnny sighed, "He wasn't doing anything wrong."  
"He was _hanging_ from you, Johnny, it was rude and disrespectful to his elder," the new babysitter pointed out.  
"He loves and respects me. I know when he's acting up and I'll discipline him accordingly if he does something wrong, but it's not your place to tell him how to act around me." The way that Johnny snapped at her was something new to Mark; he'd never once heard his babysitter raise his voice or get short-tempered with anyone in the time he'd known him, so it was strange to see him speaking to her in such a manner. The informalities from their past conversations had become highly formal and cold as he clearly became upset with her manners, and honestly it left Mark's heart beating a little faster to know that Johnny was defending him so readily.

It shut her up for a few seconds, too. Mark could tell that she hadn't expected the snapping either and probably couldn't find the words to continue arguing with him over that particular topic. Instead her voice grew soft as she tried to apologise to him, but apparently that was a wrong move too as Mark heard Johnny let out a sigh of annoyance.  
"Don't try to touch me whilst we're arguing. That's another thing that pisses me off; you could see that Mark was uncomfortable with you constantly trying to hold my hand today, but you still continued to try it."

The babysitter let out an exasperated huff, and Mark could tell that she was probably doing that petty thing that she usually did where she would try to cram herself against the furthest chair arm with her limbs tucked up defensively. "I don't see what the problem is. Mark was holding your hand and I thought it would make sense to hold the other one."  
"When you're with a child like that, it's better to have one adult holding each of his hands so that he can see that we're both there for him and not each other. He sees you as a threat to us and you know it."

That was where the conversation took a flip. Mark anticipated it before it even happened and he could see the response coming, too. His heart was in his throat as it all played out, and honestly he'd never felt anxiety like that in his life.

"We could make it a bit more about us, though," the babysitter pointed out as she tried to drop the formalities again, "I know you've been noticing me since we first met, maybe flirting a little sometimes." That was the uncomfortable feeling that had taken over when he'd first saw them interacting, Mark realised, and he immediately felt that discomfort returning as she put it into words.  
"I've noticed _you_ trying to flirt, if that's what you mean, and I don't appreciate it when Mark is supposed to be feeling like the most important person in my world whilst I'm here," Johnny pointed out blandly.

"Come on, he's not going to notice if we're subtle. He's a bit naive, you know."  
"I'm honestly not feeling that this can develop into something romantic, especially after everything that's happened today and the poor timing of this suggestion."  
"Come _on_ , Johnny, don't you want a girlfriend to come back to during school breaks? I'm sure you'd like to brag to your friends about being in a relationship."

It took all of Mark's strength not to burst into the room and tell her where to put her attempts at flirting with his Johnny, but in the end he was glad that he had managed to bite his tongue, as the rejection that followed was everything that he'd hoped for since he came to realise that she was developing a soft spot for Johnny.

"Look, I'm actually not that interested in girls." Johnny finally said, though Mark could tell that it wasn't going to sit right with her.  
"Maybe in a few years you might--"  
"I'm into men only. Just guys. There's a boy I'm interested in at the moment and I've pretty much promised him that I'm going to have a relationship with him in the future." The comment cut in sharply, in contrast to the attempts at being gentle with the confession that led up to that point.

The tension was suddenly thick in the air. If it were to grow any thicker, they probably could've taken a knife to it and carved out the shapes of the middle fingers that they were mentally throwing in each other's direction now that that had come out.

Eventually the babysitter cleared her throat and made a comment about how she was jsut going to head to bed, and Mark was left making a frantic dash back towards his bedroom in case Johnny was to follow soon after. He didn't even wait to find out if they said anything else to each other and he almost forgot to close his bedroom door quietly again in the heat of the moment.

Johnny didn't take too long to get to his bedroom again after the argument. Mark could feel that his heart was still pounding hard in his chest when the door opened, and he had barely calmed his breathing enough to pass for having been in bed the whole time. He was almost certain that Johnny knew that he had been listening in, too, although the elder didn't comment on it as he slipped into the bed next to Mark. The child immediately turned to face him and tucked his head against Johnny's chest, as Johnny began to gently stroke his hair and back with gentle circles.

"I love you, Mark. More than anything else in the world. I hope you know that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It sort of worked out doing an extra chapter for nine year old Mark, seeing as it gave the chance to get through the babysitter stuff, and now we're back on track for Mark growing up!! Although frankly it's not necessarily going to be so sweet after this chapter for a little while, so as one door closes, another will drag Mark inside
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	5. Pudding Cup

Mark had always really assumed that when Johnny said that he had promised himself to someone, he was talking about their marriage agreement in the future.

That was what had made sense for as long as he could remember, and that was what he mentioned when he discussed the fight with his friends. The little bit of knowledge that Johnny was saving himself for him left Mark's confidence through the roof, and even helped him to branch out with his hobbies and extracurricular activities by the end of the year. In fact, he was still talking about it when he moved into fifth grade and began to make new friends. As soon as the chance came up, he would bring up the fact that he already knew who he was going to marry, and as a matter of fact that boy had told his babysitter that he was Mark's future boyfriend.

The fantasy remained for over a year, until just after Korean New Year.

Whilst Johnny couldn't be there with him for the occasion, his parents could be, and so they ended up all spending the holiday together as a weird sort of extended family. It was strange to have them coming over to visit without Johnny being there with them, but at the same time it was nice to be able to see them again and be able to chat with them. They had informed Mark's parents that there was something important that they needed to discuss with them upon arrival, and so Mark was banished to his room for a short while, but he was soon called back with the promise that he would find out, too.

Johnny's parents seemed particularly nervous about bringing it up with Mark, seeing as the child could quite easily have any reaction to what they were going to tell him, but Mark's parents had insisted that it was better that he knew then, rather than leaving it for too long and making things awkward in the future.

It was therefore a huge anticlimax when they told Mark that Johnny was gay and it was a huge surprise for them. Of course, Mark knew exactly what it meant and wondered why it was a huge surprise, seeing as Johnny would always be so affectionate with him and hadn't seemed to have hidden the fact that he was exclusively interested in men. Apparently that wasn't the reaction that everyone had been expecting, seeing as Mark appeared completely unfazed by it but wouldn't explain how he already knew, but naturally that meant that they needed to bump up the shock factor that little bit more.

Johnny had a boyfriend, they told him. An incredibly handsome boy from his teaching course at university, with perfect almond eyes and a well-proportioned oval face, and a little button nose and heart-shaped lips and the most flawless skin they'd ever seen. It was the first time that Johnny had been in love, apparently, and the photos he'd sent showed them just how happy he was. They were taken in a photo booth as part of their first date and had four different shots of them acting cute together.

The first was just a regular one of both smiling and squishing their cheeks together; something dorky and cute but relatively normal. Then came weird faces, in which both boys tried their hardest to look as ugly as physically possible. Following that came one of them making a heart with their arms, and then finally there was one of them kissing. His boyfriend's hands were on his cheeks, and both boys were smiling into the kiss.

Mark's stomach flipped when he saw the photos, and the jealousy that he'd experienced when he first saw his babysitter trying to flirt with Johnny immediately returned to him.

Johnny looked so _happy_. He and his boyfriend made a really cute couple, and both of them were incredibly attractive, too. His parents continued to discuss what they'd found out about their relationship so far, which added salt to the wound a bit, although luckily they didn't seem to know much about the boy as a person. According to them, Johnny had wanted to keep a lot of information about him a secret until they met him face to face, but he'd gone into intense detail about how they'd confessed to each other, plus the details of their first date.

The main problem was the bragging, though. Mark's parents had wanted to know as much as possible about Johnny and his relationship, and so it had become something that had essentially been drilled into Mark's brain over and over again. It was to the point where he could recite everything that he'd heard to his friend Donghyuck at school once they returned, but in a mocking, bitter tone.

It was embarrassing enough to have to admit that he wasn't the person Johnny was saving himself for, without having to confess that Johnny's parents were talking about the other guy constantly for three days straight, yet Donghyuck was that sort of friend to always know what to do and so he had to know all of the details. He'd asked for a few hours to think about a solution to the issue when he found out, and honestly Mark had never been so thankful in his entire life.

The solution ended up coming out when they went back to Mark's house together for the evening, and the excitement that glistened in his eyes suggested that Donghyuck's mischievous side was going to start coming out.

"What you're going to do is make up a fake social media profile, search for Johnny's profile, and just find out as much about him and his boyfriend as possible."  
"What?" Mark was a bit thrown off by the idea, although he wasn't necessarily against it. It seemed rather weird, but Donghyuck had very clearly thought it out well.  
"Think about it. You get to learn about his boyfriend, you get to see photos of Johnny, you'll find out when they break up, and the bonus is that no one will know it's you."

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?"  
"What's the worst that could happen?" It was a fair point, as far as Mark was concerned. There was little chance of either of them finding out that Mark was running the social media account, and if they did find out, they could never really prove it. He would just have to stay in the background and not get caught, which would be pretty easy as far as he was concerned.

He spent around half an hour making up a profile for a random girl and found photos online of someone who looked around Johnny's age, then immediately started adding random people. Mark was well aware of the fact that high school and university students would be more likely to add a pretty stranger, and so he very quickly managed to accumulate almost two hundred friends in the first few hours. A few more photos and statuses were posted to make the account look more realistic, and then he began with his true objective.

Mark started by searching for Johnny's profile. It had taken a while to finally track it down, but finding it immediately gave him a sudden surge of excitement as he began to check through what had been shared publicly. It was mostly just other people's posts on his wall and a few photos that he'd been tagged in, but it also gave a bit of added information for him to work with.

For starters, his profile showed that his boyfriend was called Moon Taeil and everyone had been expecting it for months. There were several occasions in which they both went out with their friends for meals and to bars, and there was even a link to Taeil's social media profile available. Secondly, it gave a fair amount of insight into Johnny's university life. It was going to prove useful for if Mark ever missed Johnny, and would help him to keep up to date with anything that came up in his life without having to wait for the next time they met.

Admittedly, though, looking through Taeil's profile was a lot more fun than looking through Johnny's. It was fresh and new and Mark didn't really know too much about him before he began to look through it all. Just five minutes of scouring through taught him an incredible amount of information; he was almost a year older than Johnny, currently studying in his third year of university, he had a younger sister and was rather on the short side, he frequently dyed his hair with varying shades of blond and brunet, he attended a life sciences high school, and liked to sing. The videos of him singing were actually rather intimidating; his voice had good range and was incredibly strong, particularly in comparison to his much softer speaking voice. 

Then there were the photos of him and Johnny. There were a lot more than Johnny had had on his own profile, and those ones not only showed the transition between good friends and a romantic relationship, but also showed off the height difference between them. It was probably around half a foot, from what Mark could see, and as much as he hated to admit it, it made for some cute photos where Johnny would pick his boyfriend up or lean down to his height, or Taeil would be forced to tiptoe to look taller.

He absolutely loathed it, but he was also hooked by everything he'd found on Taeil's social media account. It was a lot more public than Johnny's was and generally seemed to provide a lot more information for Mark to work with. As much as he wanted to stay in the background, he also wanted the chance to learn more about him and Johnny as a couple over time, and keeping up with his posts seemed to be the best way to go about that.

"I think I'm going to have to bookmark his profile," Mark eventually admitted once he'd exhausted all he could on Taeil's profile. It was probably the easiest way to be able to find information, he explained, since there was little chance of him directly finding out more information from Johnny himself whilst his privacy settings were so high.  
"Why don't you just add him? You made a fake profile anyway and went through all of that effort to add fake friends and cover your tracks, so I don't see what the problem is," Donghyuck pointed out.

It made sense, although Mark didn't really want to admit it. The whole point of adding so many fake friends was so that he would be able to avoid any suspicion if they were notified that he'd been looking at their profiles, and that would be covering his tracks enough for him to not have to worry about them finding out if he did add them.

Yet, he still came up with every excuse under the sun as not to have to do it. Mark was scared, to say the least, and as much as he was curious about Johnny's boyfriend, it seemed too surreal to be friends with him online when he was only there to find out about Taeil's personal life.

"Just try to add him as a friend," Donghyuck eventually huffed, "You never know how he's going to respond." Mark tried to argue against it some more, but he knew full well that Donghyuck was right. He knew that his friend knew that he was just worried about how it would turn out if he was ever found to be catfishing Taeil from the sidelines, and that was the only real reason why he didn't want to add him. He couldn't do anything else, though, and so he eventually just clicked on the button before pushing his laptop across to the other end of his bed as not to have to think about it anymore.

Mark knew that what he was doing was probably going to get him into a lot of trouble if they did somehow happen to catch him, but at the end of the day, he had to know absolutely everything about the guy who was dating Johnny in order to ease his nerves, so this was the only way. For each moment that the friend request remained unanswered he struggled with his conscience and had to hold himself back from cancelling the request before it was ever seen in the first place, until finally he heard the ping to say that he had a notification.

Moon Taeil had accepted the friend request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hadn't quite realised with my lack of proof reading that the last chapter appeared to be suggesting that nineteen year old Johnny was romantically attracted to a nine year old Mark, but it sort of worked out for the best when it came to this chapter I guess?? It was a lot easier to write, seeing as I've spent a few days severely struggling to write things, and it sort of sets up the next few chapters really
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	6. Cutie Patootie

Mark had hoped more than anything that he wouldn't have to deal with Johnny's relationship, but alas it had lasted for much longer than he had expected.

It reached the August of Mark's eleventh birthday, and they still hadn't broken up. In fact, Mark had been bombarded with a load of holiday photos and videos that they'd taken together. There were some of them playing on a beach together, and one particular video where Johnny lifted Taeil onto his waist and spun around with him until his boyfriend was dizzy and screaming, then stopped to kiss him hard on the lips. Another showed them sharing an ice cream together, a third showed Taeil straddling Johnny's upper thighs as he massaged his back in their hotel room, and one more showed them dancing to a romantic song under the stars.

Mark was left feeling incredibly uncomfortable when he saw them. Each of the captions about how they were 'so in love' made his blood boil, and he absolutely loathed how in love Johnny seemed whenever he looked at his boyfriend. It just served as a reminder that Johnny had found someone who he wanted to be with forever, as his parents mentioned almost every time the topic came up, and that person certainly wasn't Mark.

Time went on, and the two boys still stayed in a relationship, through the summer and into the next academic year. It was Taeil's final year at university, so he luckily spent more time on his work than he did on discussing his relationship with Johnny, but the fact that they were still dating was irritating enough for Mark. He quickly came to regret the fact that he'd made a social media account to keep up with their relationship, seeing as the entire affair seemed to be mushy and cute and he couldn't even find any particular reason to hate Taeil as much as he did. In general, he seemed to be an incredibly sweet boy who everyone liked, and so it was just that he was dating Johnny that was a cause for bother.

Finally, it came to the point where Johnny was due to come back to Seoul for the winter. Mark had been hoping more than anything that it would just be him and Johnny this year, but of course he was bringing Taeil home to meet his parents. It was rather annoying, as far as he was concerned, seeing as it was more of a Western idea to bring a romantic partner home to meet parents before the relationship grew to be serious and it certainly wasn't at that point between the two of them after just ten months of being together.

Yet, Johnny had contacted Mark with the promise of gifts when he returned. He has specifically asked Mark's parents if he could babysit him for a few days whilst his own parents were out of the city, just to allow them to have a few days to themselves before the holidays officially started, and naturally they agreed. Mark didn't even have the opportunity to reject the offer before it was accepted on his behalf. As a result, it just felt as if it was rude to suddenly reject Johnny now, seeing as he'd already spent his time planning the fun things that they would do together whilst he was visiting. On top of that he would have to have a really good reason for backing out on his favourite part of the year, since not liking the boyfriend he'd never even met before didn't exactly seem like the most appropriate excuse for missing time with his favourite person.

Johnny ended up coming over to his house as soon as he got back to Seoul, with his suitcase and his boyfriend in tow. Whilst Mark had always ran to meet him on the streets, he made sure to stay inside when he noticed that Johnny was hand in hand with Taeil, and then curiously opened the door when he knocked. He tried more than anything to maintain that exterior when he and Johnny finally made eye contact, but it was hard to stay upset with him for long when Johnny dropped everything from his hands to be able to wrap his arms around Mark. It was even harder when Johnny began to litter his face in little kisses, and absolutely impossible when he made a comment about how his handsome boy had grown up really well over the past year.

Mark was suddenly faced with the reality that whilst Johnny did have a romantic relationship now, he was still the same Johnny he'd loved since he was little. He still gave Mark as much attention as he could and made him feel important, and surprisingly his boyfriend stood to the side smiling, as if he was funny expecting that greeting right from he start.

It took a while for Johnny to realise that Mark was glancing over to Taeil every so often, and only then did he introduce his boyfriend. "Mark, this is Taeil," he started, although he didn't really have much time to continue before Mark butted in.  
"He's your boyfriend, isn't he?" The two older boys glanced at each other in surprise, and Mark quickly figured that Johnny probably wasn't planning on telling him that just yet, but now that it was out, he just gave a little nod.  
"He's my boyfriend. I'd like it if you could get to know him a bit because he's very nice and I'm sure you'll get on well with him."

Of course, Mark wasn't too sure about that, but he wasn't prepared to upset Johnny by rejecting his request. He was going to try to communicate with Taeil and only then decide that he loathed him even more than he already did.

He went to collect his bags ready to go to Johnny's house, and they ended up leaving after around a half hour, after Johnny had had the opportunity to chat with Mark's parents for a short while. As soon as they left, Mark found that Johnny had taken one of his hands, whilst Taeil walked on his other side. It was rather strange, since he seemed to be subtly trying to get Mark to hold one of his hands too, but eventually he just settled for offering to carry the boy's bag instead.

They didn't get up to much on the first day, instead opting to watch films together and do some crafts in the evening. It was rather relaxed, although Mark could tell that Taeil was making a special effort to get to know him. It was difficult, in his opinion, to avoid revealing everything that he'd learnt about Taeil from his social media so far, and he even had to practice his surprised tone when hearing things that he'd already read online.

Taeil had even ordered some pizzas for them to eat, making sure to choose Mark's favourite toppings in the process. It had resulted in a rather nice night in which Mark sat between Taeil and Johnny with the pizza, and switched between drawing and watching musicals with the older boys, and as much as he wanted to hate being around Johnny's boyfriend like that, it was admittedly something that he'd really enjoyed.

Finally, it was time to go to bed. He had been yawning since around seven o'clock, and so ended up going for an early night. As always, Johnny took him through to his room and made sure to tuck him in before leaning in to give a kiss to his cheek. This time Mark decided to test his luck a bit by redirecting the kiss to his lips, and whilst Johnny was caught off guard by it, he quickly broke out into a grin and gently tapped the end of Mark's nose as he told him to behave. He told him that they would be in the main room if he needed them, before making his way out of the room, switching the light off in the process.

Mark was completely fine and ready to sleep, right up to the point where his head hit the pillow. It wasn't anything to do with sleeping in a new bed, as far as he was concerned, but rather his mind overthinking absolutely everything. From his feelings towards Taeil through to what they were doing for the rest of the weekend; it was all swimming around in his head, and every time he thought he was starting to relax again, something else came up.

Then, just as he thought he was about to fall asleep, Johnny and Taeil went to bed. It was about one o'clock, according to his phone, and whilst they were trying to be quiet, he could hear them through the walls. It felt rather uncomfortable to be listening in, even though it was unintentional, since it appeared to be something personal between them, but he couldn't help but overhear their discussion about how they'd waited all day to be able to kiss each other and it was particularly difficult not to do it because they'd made a special effort not to do it in front of Mark. He heard the springs of the bed underneath them as both boys laid back against the pillows, and then he heard the sound of lips meeting skin.

Mark instantly felt sick. He tried more than anything to ignore the sounds from Johnny's room, but alas it was hard to pretend that his love wasn't kissing someone else whilst he was in the next room. Every so often it was paired with a soft groan too, which Mark presumed was from one of them biting the other's lips mid-kiss. He could also hear the occasional creak from a shift in weight on the bed, which was even more bothersome than the actual kisses, as it was uncomfortably loud in the quiet of the night.

It continued for a good half hour or so until finally he heard a deep sigh from Johnny. "I love you, Taeil," he said to his boyfriend, earning a soft laugh in response as it was returned. One more kiss was enough to finish off the night for them, and then finally he heard them settling down to sleep.

Mark had fallen asleep shortly after, and had slept surprisingly well, seeing as he'd expected a dream about Johnny being ripped from his grasp. In fact, his dream had surprisingly ended up being about the three of them together, enjoying themselves. In his dream, Taeil was cuddly and affectionate with him, and he was genuinely enjoying the contact. They were like a little family, and Mark was rather happy with the love that he was receiving.

It was awkward to wake up in the morning to a warm sensation in his stomach as a result of the sweetness of the dream. As much as he hoped to avoid feeling it any more, it was still present when he managed to force himself out of bed finally.

He could hear someone in the kitchen, and quickly decided that it was time to investigate, in hopes that it would take his mind off the dream. He was hoping more than anything that it would be Johnny so that he could discuss his feelings and ge them out ito the open, but alas when he reached the kitchen, he was faced with Taeil stood near the stove in tiny shorts and one of Johnny's t-shirts. He was cooking something up in a pan, although from where Mark was standing he couldn't exactly tell what it was, and when he heard Mark's feet on the floor, he quickly spun around to face him.

"Is Johnny around?" Mark asked timidly as he took a few steps into the kitchen.  
"Oh, Johnny is just spending a little bit of extra time resting. He didn't sleep too well last night," Taeil explained with a smile, "I was just making pancakes for breakfast, if you'd like some. Johnny told me that he used to make it as a treat for you on Saturday mornings when he'd stay over for the night."

Mark had wanted more than anything to comment on what he'd heard coming from Johnny and Taeil's bedroom the night before, but when the offer of pancakes came, he couldn't bring himself to do it. It just seemed as if it was unnecessarily rude to mention something that they'd made an effort to keep behind closed doors, as not to upset Mark by being too affectionate, especially when Taeil was now going out of his way to make breakfast for him. It was rather sweet, and for a moment Mark forgot how much he hated Taeil, as he took a seat at the table and waited for breakfast to be served.

"I managed to find some maple syrup, by the way," Taeil added after a short while, "I heard that your favourite pancake topping is maple and peanut butter sauce, so I can make some up for you if you'd like." He turned to glance over at Mark as he moved the pancake from the pan to a plate, and noticed the slight smile that was threatening to erupt on the boy's face. "It'll just be a minute, then," he smiled as he began to search for the ingredients, before putting the peanut butter and syrup into a pan, ready to heat up.

The meal was complete in a matter of minutes, and Taeil was quick to take it to where Mark was sat. He hesitated for a moment before asking if he could sit down, and the child was quick to nod without even thinking about it. They started out by chatting about mundane things, such as favourite animals and what they wanted to do in the future, but then eventually the conversation grew to be a lot more serious. It was obvious that it was an uncomfortable discussion for Taeil from the way that he seemed anxious to move forward in their conversation, and honestly that alone was enough to spark Mark's interest in what was due to follow.

"Now, I understand that you're eleven now, Mark, and you're still really close to Johnny after all this time--"  
"Mmhm."  
"--And you definitely mean the world to him, which is really important to me, too."  
"Right?"  
"So I just wanted to know, um, whether you like me? And if not, can I do anything to improve things between us over the next few days?"

Mark was rather thrown by the questions. He had half hoped for Taeil to be commanding him around and trying to show his authority so that he would have a genuine reason to dislike him, but instead the boy seemed really nervous about asking, to the point where Mak could sense that he was wringing his hands under the table. Through his smile, Mark could see the desperate need for his approval, and it was rather unusual for him to see that in a grown adult. He'd met Johnny's other friends at various points in time, yet Taeil was the only one to ever seem to want Mark to like him out of all of them.

He wanted more than anything to continue hating Taeil, especially after what he'd heard from the bedroom the previous night, but there was something strangely sweet about him. From the way he obviously asked Johnny about Mark's favourite pizza toppings before they met officially, through to the way that he'd planned for them to go to an aquarium together that afternoon; there was a little bit of sensitivity in the boy's attitude, maybe even fragility, and it was something that genuinely sparked that same softness that Mark felt when he woke from his dream.

It took longer than he'd hoped to answer, seeing as he didn't particularly have a solid opinion of Taeil anymore, but eventually he settled for something simple and matter of factly once he noticed that the anxiety was only growing on Taeil's face.

"I like you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit torn about whether to have Mark come to like Taeil or not, and at the moment it's still sort of half and half still, but it's sort of helping me to come up with some endings for this fanfic already, so we'll see how it goes really~ There's probably around three or four different possible endings at the moment, but it'll really depend on how it ends up progressing as to what happens in the final chapter
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	7. Munchkin

Mark could honestly say that over the time that Johnny was dating Taeil, they did come to bond a lot. It was incredibly unexpected in the end, but he could see from the way they looked at each other that Johnny and Taeil would probably end up dating for several years.

It had come as a huge shock, as a result, when he suddenly saw an update in Taeil's relationship status on his social media profile. The update had come around mid October, and had given very little information about the new situation between them. All photos and videos of Johnny and Taeil kissing or holding each other had been promptly removed from his profile, and whenever he was asked about it by his friends, he claimed that he wasn't ready to talk about it just yet.

Johnny, on the other hand, was definitely ready to talk about it. His parents had been at Mark's house at the time of the break up, and they had received a call over dinner to say that Johnny was on his way home from university for a long weekend. Mark felt his stomach lurch when he overheard the crying over the phone and it made him even more worried to hear that Johnny was refusing to go into the details just yet, as it meant having another hour or two of having to wait in anticipation for Johnny to finally arrive at their house before he would find out why he was crying so hard. Johnny was never the sort to cry in front of people, especially not on public transport, so Mark figured that it was something really big if he was getting that upset over it.

The wait for him to arrive was the worst wait that Mark had ever experienced in his entire life. He found himself checking the clock constantly and asking Johnny's parents if there were any updates on his location yet, and honestly he couldn't bring himself to do anything else whilst he waited. He was on edge to say the least and painfully unable to concentrate on anything other than Johnny's wellbeing; a thousand different explanations for his sadness were flying around in his head as he tried to piece together every little thing that he had found on Taeil's profile over the past few weeks, but all of the scenarios were just hypothetical and probably nowhere near being right.

Finally, Johnny arrived at the house. Mark had raced to the door in order to open it first, and he instantly felt his heart break as he noticed that Johnny's cheeks were stained with both fresh and dried tears. His eyes were puffy and red and the sleeves of his shirt were soaked through around the wrists. His nose was a bit damp at the end, as if he'd just blown his nose, and his lips were glistening slightly from saliva. His hair was sticking up in patches, as if he had been tugging at it or constantly running his hands through it, and he had a red ring on either knee from pressing his elbows into his skin.

If he was being honest, Mark would say that Johnny looked like a complete and utter mess.

It wasn't really ugly, though, but was instead heartbreaking to see. Johnny immediately dropped down to his knees in front of Mark and held his arms out to hug him as if Mark wasn't already five foot tall and fully able to hug him whilst he was stood, but Mark was still quick to move forward to hug him anyway. He could feel Johnny's wet face start to press against the side of his neck, along with the warmth of his cheeks and the slightest tickle of his breath against bare skin. Both hands gripped tightly at Mark's night shirt as if he didn't want to let go, and the child could feel the rise and fall of Johnny's chest as they pressed together.

Mark wasn't exactly the best at comforting other people, but he made sure to hold Johnny and whisper a few words of endearment until the older boy was ready to let go. Johnny's parents had come out shortly after he arrived and told him that he shouldn't worry Mark like that and quickly sent the child to his room, which had resulted in one more little squeeze being shared between them, before Johnny finally let go so that Mark could leave. 

Of course, Mark wasn't exactly prepared to do that and had worked on his sneaking skills over the past few years, so he had found a way to hide and listen in on the conversation, as he had done on counless occasions in the past. He tucked himself into the side as Johnny went to sit with their parents in the main room, and so he was there to hear as the information that he'd been longing to know came pouring straight out of him.

Johnny's friends had essentially caused the break up between him and Taeil. They admitted to telling him all of the details of his and Mark's relationship, from the way that they'd gotten fake married when Mark was really little, to the way that Johnny allowed the child to kiss him on the mouth whenever they parted. Some of their experiences together sounded rather intimate when worded in a particular way, like the few times where Mark's night terrors had left him having to sit in the bathroom with his duvet as Johnny used the toilet or how they would frequently share spoons when they went out for dessert together. It was a relationship that didn't seem too weird between siblings, but could have easily been misinterpreted as something other than platonic love, since they weren't related at all.

He had essentially become Mark's brother over the years, though. It was a relationship that was loving, but definitely one that matched one of close family members, as far as he was concerned. Of course, Taeil hadn't seen a child as a threat to their relationship whatsoever and made a point of letting Johnny's friends know about their relationship as sort of siblings, but his friends had decided to exaggerate it even further from that point just to see if they could successfully freak their senior out. After all, they had apparently grown rather tired of the constant sappy posts about their feelings for each other and had therefore decided to test whether the relationship was really as perfect as they both claimed it to be.

The sorts of things that they'd said to Taeil were absolutely disgusting. From suggesting that Johnny was going to have a romantic affair with Mark as soon as he hit eighteen through to telling him that Johnny was going to leave him in the end to fulfil his promise to marry Mark; they'd planted so many horrible things in Taeil's head. Apparently the final straw was drawn when they pointed out that Mark was a lot younger than Taeil and so he was probably going to be replaced as soon as he lost the youth in his appearance. Taeil had promptly made an excuse to leave as soon as possible, but had grown to be very withdrawn and uncomfortable for the weeks following the conversation.

They had made the mistake of bringing it up in front of Johnny, though. The subtle reference that they had made left all of them laughing, although it quickly ceased when Johnny couldn't figure out what was funny about what was said. It had ended up taking three days for one of them to finally crack and tell Johnny about what had been said about him behind his back, which had resulted in a huge argument between them all in the middle of the canteen at their university campus. Johnny had been so upset that he'd been unable to calm down, despite knowing that complete strangers were staring at them as they fought, but all in all it had ultimately lost him everything other than Taeil himself.

Yet, Taeil had broken up with him that evening before he even had the chance to bring it up. It had started out as little hints that it wasn't working out, but then eventually Johnny asked him straight out if it was time for them to break up, in his opinion, and Taeil had admitted that it probably was.

He hadn't even mentioned what they had said to him, though. According to Taeil, long distance relationships were hard for him to maintain, especially during his training year in Seoul. They were living on opposite sides of the country and their lives were too stressful at the moment to maintain a proper relationship. Taeil needed to have a lot of emotional support, so not messaging for several days at a time proved to be particularly difficult for him, and it was vital for him to be able to see Johnny occasionally, too. Yet it wasn't something that was possible for the moment, so he figured that the timing for an adult relationship wasn't quite right. On top of that, he hadn't wanted to cause arguments as a result of not having that support system between them, and so he figured that it was better for both of them if they were to just part ways on good terms and stay as friends instead.

As expected, it _had_ started a fight.

Johnny had angrily brought up what he had found out from his friends and asked whether that was the issue that had resulted in their break up. Admittedly, he had been incredibly defensive and hadn't taken it very well when Taeil confessed that it had taken a stab at his ego to consider that someone would ever leave him for a younger man. Taeil had tried to explain that he meant that it was the thought of _anyone_ leaving him for a younger man when he personally believed that beauty was eternal when people were in love, but Johnny had already jumped into it with tunnel vision and had ended up yelling about how Taeil didn't trust him to not be attracted to a child when he himself had pointed out beforehand that Mark was like his younger brother.

By the time they got to the end of the argument, Taeil had politely asked him not to message again until he'd grown up, and Johnny had been left instantly regretting every harsh thing that he'd said to him. Everything he said to Taeil was left swimming through his head as he tried to come up with ideas for how he could have handled it better, but none of it could be taken back and he was forced to deal with the fact that he'd royally screwed up their entire relationship in the space of around an hour. He felt _awful_ about it. As much as he'd wanted to make it all better as soon as possible, his pride was already fragile as a result of his awful behaviour, and so he had decided against messaging his ex for the moment and had instead decided that the best idea was to come to his parents for tips on how to deal with the situation.

Of course, they hadn't been able to come up with many useful solutions. It was all about trying to just get over Taeil and not be around him at all, but Mark could tell from the way he'd described it that Johnny wasn't prepared to completely give up on their relationship. It was his first proper adult relationship, or so he said, and it was the most important relationship he'd had in his life. He didn't directly say it, but Mark could tell that Johnny's heart was completely shattered and only fixing things with Taeil would make him feel better about everything.

The conversation had ended when it was suggested that he should stop visiting Mark if he wanted to restart his romance with Taeil, and he had promptly insisted that he was going to finish there and instead make sure that Mark got to sleep properly that night. It was his job whenever he was over at their house, and so he wasn't prepared to stray from routine just because he was feeling down. Mark made a dash towards his bedroom in perfect time as he heard the conversation finishing up, as Johnny took an extra few minutes to get to him, but when he entered the room he could tell that Johnny was incredibly frustrated by the situation at hand.

"Johnny, is it my fault that you and Taeil broke up?" Mark's voice came out quiet and soft as he asked the question. He almost didn't recognise it himself as he spoke, and it threw him off a bit to hear it like that. Johnny simply shook his head and ran a hand through Mark's hair as he did so. There were no longer any tears in his eyes, and Mark noted that his expression was gentle again as he moved to sit by the child's side.  
"No, baby, it was my fault. Not yours. Don't worry about that sort of thing, okay?"

It was time for Mark to go to sleep, he said. Mark personally thought that it was still a bit early, but Johnny had promised to stay with him until he went to sleep, so he wasn't prepared to argue with him. He asked if Johnny would lay next to him for a while so that they could both feel safe and warm, making sure to put on his sweetest expression possible as he asked. Of course, Johnny was quick to shuffle into the bed next to him and gently began to stroke Mark's hair in an attempt to sooth him to sleep. The motions were comforting, naturally, although frankly he was still struggling to get to sleep even with the contact.

Mark continued to try and relax into Johnny's touches for a while until eventually he started to notice that the strokes begin to get weaker as time went on. He figured that it was probably making Johnny's arm hurt after that long, but the older boy had promised to stay with him and had never skipped out on his promises before so he was continuing through it. Mark eventually decided to just close his eyes and let his breathing grow shallow in hopes that Johnny could leave him sooner without feeling guilty about it, and thankfully after a few minutes Johnny finally stopped stroking his hair.

Whilst the child initially thought that Johnny would be quick to leave his side, he was surprised when he simply let out a soft sigh and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "You're incredibly important to me, Mark," he whispered as he laid back down next to him again, "I hope you never change, but even if you do, I'll always love you above everyone else."

He stayed for a further few minutes and Mark was certain that he was just watching him pretending to sleep the entire time. It was hard for him to keep up the acting for that long, especially since he didn't know where exactly Johnny was looking, but eventually Johnny pressed one more gentle peck to his forehead and ran his fingers through Mark's hair one more time before slowly getting up from the bed.

Mark made sure to listen out for Johnny when he left the room, and whilst he expected the older boy to go back to his parents, he was surprised to hear that he went through to the spare bedroom instead. Everything was silent for a while until Mark finally heard the soft sobs returning from the other side of the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite this chapter, I'm still not sure whether Taeil will make a full reappearance in the future - he's definitely coming back for at least one chapter but we'll have to see. The ending is still not certain just yet
> 
> However, others are noticing Mark and Johnny's crazy close relationship and it might not be a good thing for them necessarily~
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	8. Twinkles

By the time Mark turned thirteen, Moon Taeil and Johnny's relationship were essentially forgotten.

Mark hadn't even checked the social media account in months. He didn't feel the need to. He knew full well that if Johnny had gotten back with his ex, he would have certainly mentioned it; after all, Mark made sure to let him know that he was rather fond of the older boy and would like to be able to spend more time with him if they did make up again. Luckily, they had sorted out their problems relatively soon after their break up, but even so, Taeil's decision to stay as friends still stood. It was good enough for Johnny, apparently, although he wouldn't exactly be complaining if they were to get back into a relationship.

Life moved on, though. Johnny went into his final year of his degree in primary education, and Mark moved into his first year of middle school.

It was a strange year for Mark. He had a sudden realisation that he was in limbo between being a child and a teenager. He certainly didn't feel like a teenager just yet, although he did feel a lot older and more mature in comparison to some of the other children he knew. Even Donghyuck seemed a lot younger than him now that they were in different schools, which was strange seeing as they'd been friends for a good few years already and he'd always seen them as being matched on maturity levels.

Apparently, though, Mark's parents saw him as being a teenager. Or rather, they saw his classmates starting to become teenagers, despite the fact that he wasn't developing in the slightest. Some of the girls in his class were growing a lot taller and developing breasts. Their hips were starting to get wider, they were starting to get more noticeable leg and arm hair, and there was some hushed conversation over break times about which boys they liked. 

Likewise, the other boys in the class were starting to grow up, too. Whilst they weren't exactly growing in height, there were sudden excited exclamations about growing body hair, too. One boy in particular was certainly hitting puberty a lot earlier than everyone else; his voice suddenly grew to be incredibly squeaky, and he was starting to shave the hair on his face, apparently. Then there was the conversation about the girls. It was something that Mark didn't really take an interest in, especially seeing as some of his classmates had started to make some particularly lewd comments about girls' bodies behind their backs, but it was something that he'd brought up with his parents one evening.

That was when they decided that he needed to have a talk about growing up.

It wasn't something that Mark really wanted to hear. He'd heard enough in his class about people getting hairy and smelling bad and falling in love and getting mood swings and growing taller. He was still the same height that he'd been two years ago, he was showing absolutely no signs of development, and even though he still smelled of washing detergent more than anything, his parents had insisted that he start using deodorant when he was eleven. He had been asked over and over again about the girls he liked, but the answer was always the same; he thought that girls were weird and they always whispered behind their hands, and besides, none of them had ever said anything about finding him attractive.

It was as if his parents were trying to make him develop when his body didn't want to. They'd ended up sitting him down in the main room eventually, after spending most of dinner quizzing him on the girls in his school until finally he'd mumbled something about a girl in the year above him who had pretty hair. That was when they'd announced that they were going to get Johnny in to discuss that sort of thing with him over winter break. Johnny was closer to his age, they told him, so he was more likely to be able to explain it to him better. In fact, Johnny had even offered to give him that sort of talk, seeing as they were still close and he could comfortably answer any questions that Mark had about growing up with confident answers and perhaps an anecdote or two.

Mark turned red. Honestly, he didn't want to be having that discussion with his parents, but he certainly didn't want to be talking about it with Johnny either. He swore that he knew enough about it to not need that talk, but his parents had absolutely insisted on it. Besides, they'd already scheduled a time where Johnny would come in and chat with him, and during that time they would go out to get the last minute Christmas shopping sorted, so there would be plenty of time to get through absolutely everything.

He couldn't exactly argue with that, but frankly he found himself drowning in dread every time he thought about it.

Eventually the day came where they were supposed to have the discussion. Mark's nerves had kicked in even harder when he realised how early Johnny was going to start that discussion; more recently, he'd been struggling to get out of bed before nine o'clock on the weekend, but Johnny was due to arrive at around eight thirty, so he was forced to drag himself out of bed and wait downstairs for him. He could feel his eyes starting to droop as he stared out of the window and waited, and eventually the older boy turned up at the house.

It was a struggle to even go over and greet him. Mark's body was incredibly heavy, and he regretted staying up late the previous night in hopes of distracting himself from the fact that he'd wake up to a discussion that he didn't even want. Johnny could apparently feel it from the way that Mark slumped on him as soon as he stepped through the door, but instead of being concerned, he simply whispered into his ear mid-hug that if he could manage to stay awake until his parents left, he would let him have a nap before they got started. There was no use in having that sort of discussion with someone who was tired, after all, and so he would need to be alert in order to pay attention.

Mark tried his best to look perky from that point on. Luckily it had only taken around twenty minutes for his parents to finally leave, and at that point Johnny pressed a gentle kiss to his temple before informing him that he had forty minutes to sleep before he had to be up and ready to start. It was enough time for him to feel rested enough without it being too long, or so he said. Mark was quick to thank him before promptly curling up on the sofa ready for his nap.

Just as expected, he was woken up right on time by Johnny gently stroking his hair and humming to him. It was something that had been carried through from when he was little and would fall asleep after school, and it was definitely the best way to wake, in his opinion. He was feeling a lot happier and quickly shifted to sit as Johnny moved next to him, and so the conversation started.

"Now, I'm sure you're well aware of most of the obvious body changes," Johnny started as he moved to sit by Mark's side, "I'm not going to go into how girls' bodies change for the moment because you don't really need to know all of that until you study biology, but rather I'm going to talk about what you'll experience. It's more important that you know what to expect for yourself." Mark was rather relieved to hear that and it was obvious from his expression. Johnny immediately broke into a smile as he brushed Mark's hair away from his face and promptly got started with giving him the information.

It had started off with a brief overview of what he already knew. Johnny made sure to only brush on that sort of thing briefly, since he knew that Mark would've heard a lot about it from his peers and parents over the past few months. It was probably going to bore him if it was all repeated, he said, and so it wasn't going to be that in depth. Then came the part about facial hair - something that he knew a bit about, but still not all that much. It wasn't something that Mark had really considered, but Johnny made sure to tell him straight away that he probably wasn't going to grow a lot of it. It was best to know that in advance, he said; Mark's father didn't have a lot of facial hair and neither did his maternal grandfather, so he would probably only ever have to shave once every few days.

Then there was the topic of growing taller. The men in Mark's family had all hit puberty rather late, so he probably wasn't going to grow all that much until he got into high school. It would probably result in a bit of teasing, Johnny warned him, but honestly it'd mean that other people found him cuter, since small boys were always seen as being charming. Still, it was something that he was almost certainly going to end up being rather self conscious about, but Johnny told him that he would probably end up being around five foot and ten inches by the time he hit twenty one.

Finally on the topic of development, they came to the idea that his voice would eventually drop. Johnny explained how and why it happened with a calmness that helped Mark to understand rather well; there was no laughing or nervousness; he simply gave as much information as possible over the biology behind it and the fact that Mark would see those changes in himself, too. Whilst his voice would get deeper, he would also see changes in his private areas, and it wasn't all too common for his changes to be of any worry. If he did have any problems, though, he could always talk with his father or doctor, or if he was incredibly uncomfortable with that, Johnny offered to listen to his concerns and help with as much as possible.

Mark was relieved when that was all sorted, and he let out a breath of relief. Yet, a quick glance over at Johnny was telling him that something else was due to come up; he seemed to be rather wary and nervous, and Mark was hesitant to ask what the problem was.

"Your parents asked me to talk to you about safe sex, too," he explained, although this time the confidence had clearly started to fade away, "They didn't really want to discuss that sort of thing with you themselves, but you're over the age of consent now, so it's something that you sort of need to know about."

Mark felt his stomach suddenly flip. It was something that had been brought up briefly at school by the kids who thought they were more mature than they actually were, but it was always a topic that he'd tried to ignore. He could feel the colour starting to drain away from his face as he gave a little nod, and so Johnny simply cleared his throat and got to work.

"Now, I'm going to tell you about relationships with both girls and boys. You never know who you're going to be attracted to in the future, and I've personally been in a situation where I've been forced to find out about these sorts of things on my own." Johnny paused for a moment to see if Mark was following him, but promptly continued when he realised that the teenager was just as uncomfortable about the discussion as he was. "So, with girls--"

He began to explain the biology behind creating babies, just as he had with his voice dropping. Mark found that he was surprisingly squeamish about that sort of thing, and frankly he didn't really want to know as many details as he was being given. "I think I'm only into boys," he eventually mumbled when Johnny hit a natural pause, and he watched how his senior's mouth snapped shut, "It's really gross to think about making babies."

"Uh, so... boys then?" Johnny asked as he decided to switch to that instead. He tried not to get too gruesome with the details this side, but made sure to give Mark as much information about anatomy as possible. He pointed out that safe sex with other boys often involved a lot more preparation than with girls, but he was willing to give him some books that he still had from when he was younger in order to help with that sort of thing, if he was okay with that. Mark gave a little nod before thanking him and allowing him to move on.

Next came a rather long rant about using protection, in which Johnny stressed the absolute necessity of particular types. Although it did leave Mark's head a bit confused, some of the most important points were repeated over and over again until he finally understood, and then Johnny finally let out a sigh of relief once it was all finished. He did give one last side note about how he was always there to help Mark and if he did need help getting anything, from resources through to protection itself, he was always there to provide support for him. That was the end of it; nothing more to discuss and nothing more to worry about.

Mark felt strangely happy after the conversation, considering that he'd been so unwilling to have it. He was thankful for the fact that the tension was suddenly gone from the air and they could go back to being themselves without having to worry about the biology of growing up now, and now he didn't have to think about gross things like coming in contact with anyone else. It was something that was probably made a lot easier by the fact that Johnny was there with him, and honestly it felt as if Johnny was still the main person in his life when he discussed important matters like that with him.

Looking back on it, Mark was particularly happy with the fact that Johnny had dipped into less acceptable themes with him during their talk. He knew full well that his parents wouldn't have done so, especially when it came to the details of gay relationships, and it absolutely wouldn't have been brought up in school. Yet, it was something that would have plagued him when he was growing up if he hadn't have received that information.

For starters, it was good to confirm that he was absolutely okay to be in love with another boy, just as Johnny had been with Taeil, secondly, it was good to know that he could effectively show his love to another boy how some boys did to girls, and finally it was a relief to find that he always had support if growing up worried him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a summary, this one is to show him growing and having Johnny there. It's a bit of a strange one to write at the moment, since Mark's feelings for Johnny are fluctuating between explicit and implicit, whilst Johnny still treats him about the same over time, but at the same time they're in that weird stage where Johnny is like family, but also a bit more at the same time. It's a weird place to be, and it's just made worse by the nature of this chapter; it's hard enough talking about that sort of thing with siblings, parents and teachers, but discussing it with someone you're sort of into is a completely different story and is pretty difficult to do, honestly.
> 
> If I'm being honest, I had about 1000 different ways that I wanted to write this up, in the end. It was one of those chapters that are thought up in the shower, so there were chunks of dialogue floating around but no solid chapter plot; it was always going to be something about that awkward talk, seeing as Mark's at that age where those sorts of discussions start to pop up, but there were so many topics that could realistically be covered by Johnny in that area. Right from personal hygiene through to self pleasure through to adult relationships; I could really see him as being the sort to dip into every topic so that Mark knows that everything he experiences (growing, urges, mood swings, etc.) is something that's normal and happens to everyone, so it was hard to narrow it to be at around the same length as the other chapters.
> 
> However, it's all done and whilst there isn't quite a solid plan for the next chapter, we'll be seeing something old popping back in the near future!!
> 
> (P.S. If you do note any mess ups please tell me, it's 2:30am and it's my fourth chapter update since 8pm, so my proofing is bad and I'll have to improve it in the morning)
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	9. Squirt

Mark's fourteenth birthday present was probably the best of his entire life:

Johnny was home.

Once his undergraduate degree was finished, he decided that he was frequently getting lonely whenever he was away from home, and so he had decided to move back so Seoul. Mark was absolutely thrilled when he found out about the plan, especially since Johnny had informed him that he was getting his own apartment in the city so the teenager was more than welcome to come and visit him.

It was something that Mark's parents assumed was just an off-handed comment and wasn't serious in the slightest, but as soon as Johnny got the keys to his apartment, Mark was invited straight over. It wasn't just for dinner, either; he was allowed to stay for the weekend and they would be doing all of the things that they'd missed out on over the four years that Johnny was away. It meant two days of video games and pizza and cuddling and going out for walks and visiting parks, and it was honestly Mark's dream weekend. Johnny had made sure to text him with all of the details, including photos of everything that he'd gathered for their weekend together, so he knew that it was going to be amazing.

As expected, it was quite possibly the best time Mark had ever had in his life. He hadn't realised how much he missed being around Johnny, and it was only made better by the fact that they were able to share a bed in that house. Johnny had insisted that he could sleep on the sofa and allow Mark to have his bed, seeing the flat was very small and only had enough room for one bed, even if he could afford to get a second one, but they had ultimately ended up cuddled up next to each other. That was something that was even better when he was grown up in comparison to being a child; whilst Mark didn't really want to seem weird about that sort of thing, he really enjoyed waking up to seeing Johnny's sleeping face, and it was quickly becoming his guilty pleasure to imagine that he was an adult and living with Johnny full time, as opposed to simply staying for a few days.

Of course, with those sorts of thoughts he'd come to realise his feelings towards Johnny over that year, too.

Mark was growing up. There was no way that he could deny it, especially after the talk with Johnny when he was thirteen. He'd expected that he wouldn't really have those sorts of feelings, but eventually the topic of romantic feelings had come up with his friends in a non-sexual manner. There was no talk about the breasts of the girls in their class or how they had curves - that conversation had started with a boy having an emotional meltdown because he simply didn't understand his emotions. He described it as a fluttering feeling in his chest when one of the girls in the class smiled at him, along with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and an urge to turn away as soon as she looked in his direction.

It had started out with a few jokes about how the boy was weak for getting that sort of reaction to a girl being around him, but eventually one of the more knowledgeable boys in the class piped up to say that it was something that was normal to experience. It was something that all of them would probably feel when the right girl came along, apparently, and it was a feeling to show that they were attracted to the girl.

Mark knew straight away that he wouldn't get that sort of feeling with a girl, seeing as he really wasn't all that attracted to girls in general, but he'd never really bagged on the fact that he would possibly feel that way towards Johnny.

It had hit all at once. He'd started out by seeing his love for Johnny just being something that wasn't exactly romantic or anything, but then he saw him again after over half a year with minimal contact in between visits and was suddenly smacked in the face by how much he did like Johnny in that sort of way. The moment the older boy smiled at him, he felt his stomach lurch in a strange way that he'd never really considered before, and every time he saw Johnny's tongue darting out to dampen his lips, Mark felt his entire world slowing down for a moment.

It was probably the worst feeling he'd ever experienced. His entire body was forced into fight-or-flight mode, and it just made everything feel strange. Of course, he actively tried to avoid making it seem as if anything was wrong, but it was just a complete mess as far as he was concerned. A part of him was suddenly embarrassed to be cuddling Johnny too much, but another part wanted to be as close to him as possible. One part of him wanted to find as many faults as possible with Johnny so that he could pretend that the sudden rush of feelings didn't exist, but then another side was starting to realise how it had been there for years. Sure, the wedding when he was little was nothing more than a misinterpretation of the fact that marriage was a way to show romantic love for a person as opposed to just an appreciation for them, but on top of that Johnny was always there to comfort him and he had even started to get jealous when the older boy was showing attention to other people in ways that could be interpreted as being romantic in any way.

Damn it, he was in love with Johnny. It had taken all of three days for him to realise that he needed to find a way to hide it, and that had been even worse than realising that he was attracted to Johnny in the first place.

Initially, Mark had tried to subtly hint it to the older boy, but that idea had quickly crashed down when he and Johnny had gone out somewhere together and Johnny had grumbled sadly that the waiter was certainly too young for him to flirt with, despite the fact that the boy had said that he'd just started university. Johnny was only twenty four as well; if a boy of around eighteen or nineteen was too young for him, Mark had absolutely no chance in the world. It was disheartening and proved to him that he had to keep it hidden deep inside, but Mark figured that it was probably for the best and he would just find out a way to get over it.

It wasn't that easy, though, just as he'd expected. With Johnny being in the city, Mark found himself being drawn to the older boy like a moth to light. Johnny's classes tended to last a shorter amount of time than Mark's, so the teenager ended up going over to Johnny's apartment after school on most days of the week. Occasionally he would even stay for dinner or even sleep over at his place, as much as he knew that it was only making his feelings hit that bit harder. Mark was gradually coming to realise that his ideas on how to handle the situation were getting worse and worse, since he could tell that he was falling deeper and faster every time he ended up laying there with Johnny cuddled against his back at night. Yet, for some reason he found that he couldn't even bring himself to pretend that the feelings weren't there anymore now that he'd thrown himself into that new lifestyle at full force.

Likewise, his ability to keep it inside was matched with his ability to keep it curbed. Mark had ended up confiding in a handful of different people, although he obviously hadn't mentioned that he had romantic feelings for Johnny in particular, and everyone had ended up giving him different advice about the situation. His favourite teacher had informed him that he had plenty of time to think about love and perhaps he should take things slowly before he threw himself into a relationship situation, especially if the person he was interested in wasn't in middle school. One of the quieter boys in his class had told him that he should try to find out how Johnny felt about him first and see whether it was worth trying to pursue a relationship when he was unsure about whether he really wanted to do so. His older brother had informed him that he should focus on his studies first and think about romance when he was in high school or university - after all, his grades came first and falling in love with a boy wasn't going to get him into a SKY university, especially if he was distracted by trying to maintain the relationship on top of working on his grades.

It was Donghyuck who gave him the information he needed in the end, though.

Granted, it wasn't necessarily good advice, but it was what Mark needed to hear. "I know that this is about Johnny, so don't even try to deny it," he started out with a smirk, "But basically from what you've told me over the years, I always really thought that you two had feelings for each other. You always had a little soft spot for him, especially when he got with Taeil and you got really upset about that, but then he does everything to make sure that you're happy and it goes beyong that of siblings, as he claimed it was to start with. You have something special going on, Mark, and you just need to draw that sort of thing out of him."

It seemed rather philosophical to a degree, Mark decided, but it was interesting advice. Yet, he'd decided to be a bit dramatic over the situation and point out that Johnny had an age range that he was willing to date within, but Donghyuck simply sighed and tapped on on the top of the head with the side of his fist, as if it was a sort of mallet. "Mark, terms and conditions always apply. Have you seen those films where those guys are looking at really young girls and they end up going for someone who is a lot older than them instead? Or the ones where the girls are looking for men of their age but then suddenly they find a much younger boy and fall in love?"

 

"No actually," Mark admitted, which had earned another bop on the head as his friend insisted that they were going to watch as many of those films as possible to show him that Johnny's feelings could change in the future. After all, Mark was still young at the moment but there was always a chance that perhaps in the future Johnny would see him as a potential partner. There was plenty of time for that sort of thing, and that was a good thing. If Mark did decide in the future that there was someone else in his life during his quest to capture Johnny's heart, he could put his feelings for Johnny to the side and pursue something with the other person instead. If Johnny did develop feelings for him, it was something that he could work with too, and they would end up having their happily ever after.

The result was a full weekend of binge watching chick flicks and romantic dramas. Mark hadn't expected that there would be that many, especially since those sorts of romances weren't always seen as good in Korean media, but it certainly opened his eyes to the possibility a bit more. A quick calculation told him that when he was eighteen, Johnny would be twenty eight, which was a rather big age gap and possibly wouldn't work, since Johnny would have a lot of experience of the world by that point yet Mark would still be like a baby, but then again, there was still a chance for them. They would have known each other for thirteen years by that point, which was a big portion of both of their lives, plus Johnny would probably be looking to settle down with someone. Mark wasn't completely confident in himself, but he did have a feeling that he could be that person for Johnny.

From that point, he decided that he was going to make an active effort in order to come across as attractive to Johnny. It was only going to involve some subtle changes so that the older boy didn't expect that something was wrong, but it was going to be enough to show himself off as being potential boyfriend material. He'd made a special effort to learn ways of flirting, with help from Donghyuck along the way, and had even convinced himself that cuddling more would be appropriate. Up until that point, he was certain that Johnny had seen his reluctance to get too close as being a result of puberty starting to hit, so Mark figured that he could play off a needy approach in the same manner in able to get as much physical attention as possible.

It wasn't the greatest of plans, but it was a start for him to be able to have that sort of thing with Johnny. The next time he'd seen him, Mark made a point of getting a bit whiny and trying to hold Johnny, which had resulted in the older boy laughing and asking if he wanted cuddles straight away. Despite his heart beating hard in his chest, Mark decided to grumble that he didn't need cuddles and he was a grown man already, but Johnny simply pulled him onto his lap and playfully pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek, before wrapping both arms around Mark's body.

In complete embarrassment, Mark had wiped the kiss off his cheek and hid his face in his hands, but Johnny began to do it more and more when he realised that it was making him cringe, although obviously not with malicious intent. He made a point of calling Mark his baby and always being really soppy and cute with him when he thought that it was working as a good way of winding the younger boy up.

That was probably the last thing that Mark had expected to come out of the situation, but in the end he figured that he was rather glad that it had turned out like that. It was somewhere to start with their potential relationship, and he was getting the sort of attention that he'd heard would gradually get Johnny to realise his own feelings. From what Mark had calculated, it was only going to take a little while longer for Johnny to realise that they were madly in love with each other now that they'd started out in that manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we have he full consideration of feelings!! It's a bit of a bother for Mark already since he's still a baby and Johnny certainly isn't into guys quite that young, but he still has some time so it might work out really~
> 
> I'm not going to give spoilers, but it'll probably be a little bit dramatic in the end really because I always have to stir the pot a bit.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	10. Toodles

Once the excitement of having Johnny around had faded, Mark started to slip back into his regular routine. As much as he enjoyed having the older boy around a lot more and was glad to be able to freely go to his house if he wanted, it eventually started to become too inconvenient to spend every evening with him. After all, it was a rather big distraction from his homework to spend all of his time acting like a kid with Johnny, and he couldn't afford to neglect his school work. He was heading towards the end of middle school and therefore needed to focus on his studies for a while; the high school that he wanted to attend had very high competition for admission, so he needed to get the best grades possible in order.

He entered his final year of middle school with a need to get the absolute best grades possible. He'd tried more than anything to improve himself whilst he wasn't in school, and had even gone to classes over summer break in hopes that it would get him ahead of all of his classmates. His parents were trying to find him a private tutor so that he would be able to keep his grades consistent, and so he was certain that he was going to get where he wanted to be with no issue. It was a sense of confidence that he'd needed for a long time, and it made him feel as if everything was possible.

Yet, when he turned up for his first day, he was suddenly thrown off when he saw Moon Taeil stood in the hallway, talking to another teacher. It was the last thing that he'd expected to see, and it had suddenly knocked away that sense of superiority in favour of a new-found curiosity. He had to take a second look, figuring that his eyes were tricking him or something, but when the teacher spotted him, he flashed a genuine smile before getting to his home room class.

Mark was stumped. He'd expected that Taeil would be working in a primary school following his degree, but it seemed that he was working in the middle school for the moment. It was also rather strange to see him in a work environment, seeing as he'd slept in the same house as Taeil in the past, but he also figured that it would be strange to see Johnny or even his parents in that sort of environment, too. Even so, he couldn't keep it off his mind during his first few lessons of the day. It had been a few years since he'd seen the older male, and whilst they weren't too close, he was rather glad to see him again. Mark had felt a sudden rush of fondness when he saw Taeil stood in the hallway, so he'd quickly decided that he'd like to talk with him when possible.

He tried not to seem too strange as he made his way over to the teacher's classroom at lunch. Mark was rather conscious of the fact that by trying to seem like he was acting normal, he was probably looking even more suspicious, but he couldn't help it. He eventually got to the door and leaned awkwardly against it as he peeked in, but Taeil had caught him immediately and simply stared at him with the beginnings of a smile starting to form on his lips. "I thought I saw you earlier," he said informally as he motioned for Mark to enter the room, and Mark was instantly relieved as he made his way over to sit at the desk nearest to where the teacher was sitting.

"Have you eaten yet?" Taeil asked as he offered up a small box of kimbap. To start with, Mark politely declined the food, but the more he thought about it, the more he regretted not taking up the offer. Luckily, though, Taeil noticed and offered it once more before taking one for himself.  
"I thought you were supposed to be a primary school teacher," Mark pointed out as he slowly took one of the kimbap out of the box, "That's what I was told anyway." The older male gave a small nod, but stayed quiet until he'd swallowed the bite of food.

"I was planning to work in a primary school, but I thought it would be best to get some experience with middle school children first. It's a mix of primary and secondary education, and I think it would make me a better teacher to be able to understand the struggles of transitioning from primary to middle schools."

It was a fair point, Mark decided, and it was a really Taeil thing to do. Once he thought about it, it made a lot of sense; Johnny had told him on one occasion that the teacher was a bit like a parent figure to the people on their teaching course. He would make sure that everyone was well looked after and was there for support if anyone needed it, and so it would only be natural for him to be that way when it came to his students, too. Yet, it would be hard to relate to the experiences of people who were over fourteen years younger than him, so getting that bit of experience with children of different ages made sense to be able to help them through their school years.

The topic of conversation ended up changing to more casual things within a few minutes. It was generally about what they had both been doing since the last time they met, how Mark was doing with school, and any other topics that happened to come up as they were chatting. In general, it was a rather relaxed conversation with both Mark and Taeil talking to each other informally as if they were rather good friends, and admittedly it was really nice to be able to relax when the school year had started with an immediate smack of pressure from teachers to do their very best.

"I hope this isn't unprofessional or a sore subject, but have you seen Johnny since he got back from university?" Taeil eventually asked near the end of the lunch break. Mark could feel a strange tingling starting to make its way up his spine as he heard his senior's name; it was a feeling that he couldn't really identify, but he didn't think that it was jealousy. He sat silent on the spot for a moment as he tried to assess whether talking about Johnny was a good idea or not, but then eventually figured that it would be easier to determine that as they spoke about him. If all else failed, he could try to change the conversation again, so there was no harm in talking about him.

"I used to see him every day, but I've been trying to focus on my school work since March. It's going to get really busy this year, so I didn't want to spend too much time with him in case it distracted me from my work." He could see that Taeil was satisfied with the answer, but there was still a sense of curiosity in his expression.  
"I'm glad you're focusing on your work," he began, but trailed off before the rest of the sentence could come out.

Mark waited for a moment to see whether he would follow it up with what he wanted to say, but when no response came, he decided that it was time to probe some more. "Have you seen him over the past three years?" he asked, worrying for just a moment that what he'd asked was inappropriate, but he was relieved when Taeil simply offered a sad smile as he shook his head.  
"I haven't seen him at all since before we broke up. In fact, I don't think we've even spoken properly since then, either," Taeil admitted, "I'm envious of you for being able to see him whenever you want to."

It had come as a surprise. Mark had expected that Johnny and Taeil would be talking still, seeing as Johnny had gotten over the break up so quickly. He'd never considered that the break up might have caused the termination of their friendship too; his two seniors seemed to be incredibly close before they started dating, and it seemed rather surreal to think that something so simple could have resulted in them becoming strangers to each other once again.

"I can talk to him for you if you want," Mark suggested, but Taeil shook his head quickly.  
"I don't think that's appropriate, Mark. I can't have a student doing that for me when I could quite easily message him myself and sort everything out. After all, I'm an adult and I'd rather keep those personal matters separate from our relationship as teacher and student." As much as his tone was soft, Mark could tell that Taeil would be firm about that sort of thing. The teacher seemed like the sort of person who wanted to keep up a professional relationship as much as possible but wouldn't object to chatting with Mark as friends too, provided that they didn't dip too far into highly personal matters. 

Yet, Mark still needed to give it a shot. Admittedly, he had loathed Taeil back when he was dating Johnny, but the older boy genuinely did make Johnny happy when they were still talking. Johnny did seem happy now, granted, but he had expressed to Mark on countless occasions that he didn't have any friends back in Seoul anymore and was struggling to make conversation with people of his own age. It seemed like a ridiculous idea, but Mark figured that it would be nice to give Johnny the opportunity to speak with the one adult who made him incredibly happy again. After all, they were unlikely to get into a relationship for a second time, so Mark wouldn't grow jealous again, and it would be good for Johnny to be less lonely when he'd moved back to Seoul to escape isolation.

"I'm not your student, though," Mark pointed out, trying to test the waters a bit, "You don't teach me for anything."  
"It's a no, Mark. I'd appreciate it if you didn't get involved with this." Taeil smiled again, this time a lot warmer than he had earlier, before wishing Mark a good day and sending him on his way back to class.

Of course, Mark wasn't prepared to leave it there. As time went on, he thought about it more, and then eventually decided that it would be best to visit Johnny after school. He figured that it would be best to just toss the idea to speak to Taeil again out into the open and allow his senior to make the decision, as much as it was rather rude to dip into their business in that way.

"How's your day been?" Johnny asked him as he answered the door. Mark started out by telling him a quick run down of the day, starting with what he did during his classes and ending with his walk home with Donghyuck, but before Johnny had a chance to ask anymore questions, he steered the conversation straight towards the topic of the senior's ex boyfriend.  
"Did you know that Taeil works at my school now?" he asked casually as he made himself a drink in the kitchen. The tense silence told him that Johnny had been surprised by the question, so Mark simply continued from there.

"He said that you haven't spoken in years."  
"He shouldn't be discussing that sort of thing with you," Johnny replied without missing a beat. It was close enough to snapping that Mark found his heart beating faster with anxiety, but he still pushed on.  
"He only told me because I asked. He also said that he missed you."

Straight to the point and out there. Mark was proud of the fact that he had managed to get that bit of information out there after just a few minutes of being at Johnny's house, and he made sure to act cool as he sat on the sofa with his drink. Johnny's expression was neutral, as if he wanted to say a million things but couldn't find the words to say them, but then eventually he just ran a hand through his hair and found something to busy himself with in the house. "I hope you haven't just come here to try and get me to talk with him again, Mark. It's not your place to do that."

"But you miss him too, don't you?" It was testing his luck a bit too much, but they both knew the answer. The tension in the room only grew as the older boy refrained from answering again, and in that moment Mark knew that Johnny knew he was right. "I think you should at least try to talk to him again. You're both back in Seoul, he was one of your really good friends, and you didn't break up on bad terms. It was just the situation you were both in, so I think you should be adults about it and make up."

That was too far. He could see a mix of emotions in Johnny's eyes as they stared at each other; he was obviously conflicted between telling Mark to mind his own business and making him aware of the fact that he was actually being the voice of reason about that sort of thing. If they had just simply drifted apart as Taeil had suggested, there would be no harm in trying to rekindle a friendship, and they certainly didn't need to let it have any romantic undertones if that sort of thing was off the table now. It was something that would likely make them both happy and it would allow Mark to be able to spend time with Taeil again, too; they both knew that it would be a winning situation for everyone.

In the end, Johnny let out a long breath and flopped back onto the sofa as his hands met his face. He didn't know what to say and needed some time to wrap his head around everything, but now wasn't the right time to think about that sort of thing. "Mark, could we maybe talk about something else for now? I'll consider what you've told me later on when you've gone home, but it's something really personal and a bit uncomfortable for me to talk about with you for the moment, so maybe we could find a different topic or maybe play a video game."

He ended up choosing the video game, since it gave the option for them to either be quiet and think about it some more as they played, or to completely distract themselves from the situation now that it had been discussed. Mark was rather glad about the outcome, even though it did feel as if he was meddling where he shouldn't have been, but he wanted more than anything for everyone to be happy again now that there was little worry about a potential relationship between Johnny and Taeil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's three chapters left and I had to bring Taeil back for a while - the ending is still uncertain but it opens a few new doors for that, so it's anyone's bet where we'll be heading with it
> 
> We're at a weird stage in Mark's life at the moment where it's hard to write him, since he's like an intelligent young adult, but still has his childish quirks; he's not 100% in control of his emotions, but he certainly is in control of his actions. Hopefully it shouldn't be too much of an issue now though since puberty is about to hit him like a brick and he'll grow up rather quickly as a result
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	11. Monkey

Mark was surprised to hear that on Johnny's twenty-seventh birthday, he was due to be on his own. Although he was supposed to be busy doing his school work, his parents had insisted that he spend at least an hour with Johnny to keep him company, since his parents were living back in Chicago at that point and as much as they could try to voice call him or something, it simply wasn't convenient for them to have a long conversation, since by the time they were getting ready for work, he was getting ready to go to sleep, and when they were getting ready to sleep, he was in classes. The fourteen hour time difference was a big problem, and so Mark agreed to take the presents from his entire family over to Johnny's house that afternoon.

He felt like Little Red Riding Hood when he knocked on the door with a bag of gifts in one hand and a hamper of snacks in the other. Johnny took forever to get to the door, but seemed to perk up a bit when he realised that Mark was stood there, and he immediately invited him in without even glancing at what the teenager was holding. "You'll have to excuse the mess," he called out as he made his way to the main room, "I've been day drinking since nine this morning. Classes were cancelled and I didn't expect any visitors today." Johnny promptly threw himself down onto the sofa and tucked his knees to his chest before patting the seat next to him for Mark to sit, too.

It confused Mark, if he was being honest. Johnny wasn't really the sort to drink alcohol as it was, but he definitely didn't drink during the day if he did end up downing a few bottles. In all the time that Mark had known him, he'd never seen Johnny intoxicated, so it was strange to see him acting so happy even though he was clearly really down. "Are you drunk now, then?" he asked as he sat down next to his senior and allowed Johnny to pull him closer for cuddles.  
"No, it's just taking the edge off the fact that I'm lonely. I would've sent you away if I was drunk."

Mark didn't quite believe what he was being told, but nevertheless he allowed Johnny to wrap his arms around his hips and bury his face into his shoulder. They stayed in that position for a while, with an intense amount of clinging and nuzzling in the process, until Johnny finally loosened his grip a fraction. "Can I ask you something?" he asked, as if he wasn't already asking a question by doing so, before continuing when Mark gave the go ahead. "Do you think I'm unlovable?"

He was confused to say the least. It was like the sun asking the other stars whether it was too cold. Of course Johnny was lovable, and it had been proven by the fact that not only was Mark in love with him, but also Taeil at one point in time. "You've had a boyfriend in the past," he pointed out in hopes that it would comfort him without examples having to come up, but Johnny simply gave a little laugh and shook his head.  
"One boyfriend in my entire life doesn't make me lovable. Taeil was my first boyfriend and I haven't had one since. It's been over four years since anyone told me that they loved me and meant it in a romantic sense."

For a moment, Mark was left considering whether or not he wanted to be the first person to say that to Johnny after so long. A part of him figured that the senior really needed to hear it from someone, but he knew that it wasn't going to be easy to explain himself if Johnny did misinterpret it as being a platonic sort of love. He sat there considering it for longer than he should have done, until he felt Johnny's face press into his shoulder again.

"But you're seeing Taeil again, aren't you?" he asked reluctantly, not particularly wanting to bring that topic up. Although he did still like Taeil and wanted to see him now that they weren't student and teacher anymore, the thought of him having a romantic relationship with Johnny still wasn't Mark's favourite thought in the world. Yet, Johnny was unusually quiet to start with when his ex boyfriend was brought up.  
"... Yeah."  
"Johnny?" Mark asked almost accusingly. He didn't know what had come up recently, but Johnny was making a point of stopping Mark from seeing his face.

There was another long silence as he tested the waters for how long he could go without answering before Mark pushed it. The younger boy called his name out again, and Johnny finally let out a low groan before mumbling someting about how he wasn't seeing Taeil in a romantic sense because Taeil didn't want that. "So you're just seeing each other as friends? Do you not feel a bit loved with him being there for you?"  
"It actually makes me feel worse if I'm honest."

Mark was confused by how that could possibly be the case, seeing as Johnny had someone with him who would show affection even if it wasn't with romantic intent. To start with, Johnny refused to dip further into it, even when Mark pushed him to explain, until finally it got too much and he snapped. "Mark I really shouldn't tell you that sort of thing. It's personal and not the slightest bit professional, and you're too young to know that sort of thing about me."

"Johnny, I'm seventeen soon--  
"In six months. That's not soon."  
"-- And I've told you everything. From that time where that girl kissed me and I had to pretend to be okay with it to save her feelings, to that time where I didn't know that sometimes erections happen in the morning and thought I was broken. We're friends, I'm almost an adult, and I think we can discuss things if you need to get them off your chest."

As much as he sounded confident, Mark could feel his heart racing hard in his chest. It was uncomfortable but he didn't even know what was making him feel like that. Johnny simply pressed his face firmer into the side for Mark's neck for a minute or two before pulling back enough to talk. "I still have feelings for him," Johnny said simply, not caring to sugarcoat it in the slightest, "Every time I see him, my heart beats faster in my chest and every time he smiles, I just want to kiss him. He makes me feel as if I'm still twenty, and I don't want anyone to make me feel like that."

It was raw emotion, not hidden behind any fake attempts to seem as if he was above having those sorts of feelings. It was Johnny in his purest form, frustrated over his feelings for a man who didn't necessarily return the feelings to the same degree. It was childish and innocent, and Mark loved that side of him. "We kissed a few months ago and I asked him if he felt anything for me anymore when we parted, and he said that it was nice but it didn't have the same spark as when we first got together all those years ago. And I had to lie and tell him that the feelings had definitely faded."

"But you still want him back?" Johnny nodded and let out an exasperated laugh.  
"I have to move on though. We're not good for each other. He's sweet and kind but level-headed, and I'm loud and confident but a dreamer. We won't work as a couple, and we both know it. I think that's why he's given up on us."  
"Do you think you could find someone new from the people you're around more these days?"

Admittedly, it was a really low hit. Mark knew that it was the wrong time to be trying to capture Johnny's heart for his own, but at the same time he felt like he could be the one to provide comfort. Johnny was very clearly upset about the whole situation and just wanted to feel as if someone loved him, and Mark wanted to be that person. Realistically, it probably wasn't going to be something that they would nurture whilst he was in school, but at the same time he wanted to make his interest known so that Johnny could consider him in the future. Even if it meant that he had to stay on the sidelines for a while, he was okay with that if Johnny was in the process of falling for him in that time.

"I'm trying to be optimistic, but I do genuinely feel like I'm unlovable. You see, I'm just hoping that one day someone comes over to me and says that they've been hopelessly in love with me for years. I want someone to compare my smile to sunflowers and my kiss to lemonade. Or something mushy and romantic like that."

Mark wasn't sure why that led him to finally take the plunge and kiss Johnny, but it gave him the confidence burst that he needed to go for it. He adjusted his position on the sofa before grabbing for Johnny's cheeks and pressing their lips together gently. He could feel that Johnny was caught by surprise from the way that he didn't kiss back for a moment, but he was happy to find that Johnny's lips remained soft underneath his own.

Sure, he'd kissed his senior in the past. It was something that he'd done on countless occasions, both on the lips and on various other parts of his face. Yet, this was their first adult kiss. It was the first time that Mark had kissed him with intention and meaning behind it, and it was the first time that it had been separate from his child-like goodnight kisses. He didn't try to push it too far by parting his lips or testing his tongue against Johnny's lips, but it was the most mature kiss that he could realistically share with Johnny in the moment.

It didn't quite have the desired effect when he pulled away, though.

"Mark, I... I appreciate that you were probably trying to make me feel loved, but at the same time it's not your responsibility to try to make me feel better. I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to do something about my whining." He offered up an awkward smile, and in that moment Mark could see the discomfort in his eyes. He hadn't intended on making Johnny feel as if it was out of pity or anything, but the damage was done and all he could do was explain himself.  
"I'm in love with you, Johnny. I have since I was maybe nine or ten years old. Your smile makes my heart race faster, and every time you hold me, I never want you to let me go."

It was stupid. Ridiculous, even. Mark had well and truly screwed everything up between them. Johnny didn't move from the cuddling position, but at the same time it was very clear that he was no longer completely comfortable about holding Mark like that. There was only so much that he could realistically hide about his feelings, and it was very clearly a struggle to keep himself composed. For a moment, Mark was concerned that the feelings just weren't returned but this reaction was so unlike Johnny's usual reactions that he was left wondering if it was something more than that.

"I'm really sorry, Mark, but I can't have that sort of relationship with you. I'm a teacher, you're still in high school."  
"But I'm not one of your students," Mark protested, "You're still doing your training. And besides, you're training in primary education."  
"You could be one of my students whilst I'm training, though. I'm going between schools to get as much experience as possible, and besides, I'm considered to be in a position of power over you. Even if I wanted to have a relationship with you, it wouldn't be possible until you're at least over eighteen."

Mark tried to argue against it, but Johnny was incredibly firm about that sort of thing. "I can't have seven years of education and two years of optional training going down the drain because I'm dating an underage boy, Mark. There's already this stigma that gay teachers are paedophiles, and I don't need that accusation on top of it." That was the point where Mark realised that there was no way of getting what he wanted from Johnny. He could pretend that it was his senior seeing him as a child when he was almost a grown adult, and he could throw a tantrum over that sort of thing, but Johnny wasn't going to crack.

"I'm sorry, Mark," he eventually said as he gently stroked the teenager's hair. His voice had lost its cold edge now that he had taken a moment to calm himself, and he was back to being the Johnny that Mark was used to. "I love you, but I hope you understand that I just can't love you in that sort of way. I'm not saying 'never' because nothing in this life is permanent and we're both still young, so things can change. But I think you should start try to get involved with someone of your own age for the moment."

It was a subtle way of rejecting him, and Mark knew Johnny well enough to know that it was his way of saying that even if he wasn't a teacher and even if he wasn't in love with Taeil still, he still probably wouldn't return the feelings. The suggestion that things could change was just a way of making him feel better about the fact that they would never be together.

"I think I should go home now. I have homework to do," Mark announced dryly, hoping more than anything that Johnny would do something to try and stop him. Yet, instead Johnny agreed that it was probably for the best and followed him to the door, where he apologised with a tight hug. "Your presents are by the coffee table, by the way," the younger boy piped up again, in hopes that Johnny would take note of his impersonal statement and let him leave already, but instead his senior gave a little nod before stroking the back of Mark's hand.

"Thank you. Please don't hate me for this, Mark. You're really important to me and I'll miss you if I don't see you."

Of course, Mark had absolutely no intention of returning to Johnny's house after the embarrassment of that kiss, although he simply gave a nod and told him that he would be back soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting since Chapter 4 to write this bit, and it's had a mindmap of different ideas, including Johnny being completely off his face and kissing Mark then regretting it, them ending up making out heavily and then having to stop when Johnny realises what he's doing, and Johnny admitting that he'd been sleeping with Taeil for months but wanted committment from someone so Mark kisses him.
> 
> None of those sorts of things had a realistic build up that suited their characters, though, so I didn't really want to push something that wouldn't progress naturally enough. So, here we are instead; "dreamer" Johnny being down to earth, and Mark wanting nothing more than to prove that he's mature enough for an adult relationship, even though it's really not going to happen.
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	12. Buttercup

The year that Mark turned seventeen was the worst of his life, if he was being completely honest.

He'd kept up his decision to not contact Johnny again. It had been made in the heat of the moment, but when he made up his mind, he wasn't prepared to back down and let his senior think that his excuses were acceptable in place of an actual rejection. Mark was more hurt by the fact that he'd made it seem as if the decision was completely out of his hands, rather than being an adult about the situation, and so he couldn't let Johnny think that it was okay to treat a person like that. It was incredibly difficult to start with. He spent a lot of time thinking about him, to the point where he considered texting Johnny with something about how upset he was just to spark a response, but when he realised that it was just another excuse to talk to him again, Mark ended up having to simply block his number and try to forget about him. Besides, even if he did want to contact Johnny again, he'd left it too long without going to see him, and he knew that it would be tense if he did return to his house after that.

Mark hadn't told anyone about it. Not his parents, not Donghyuck, not Taeil. Although Johnny probably told Taeil about it himself, it wasn't something that he wanted to advertise for the moment. He just hoped more than anything that the topic of Johnny wouldn't come up at any point in time, and even when it did, he would come up with an excuse to avoid it. To start with, he was pretty sure that his parents had caught on that he wasn't speaking to his senior anymore, but the excuse of working towards his final exams seemed to suffice for them, so he just about managed to worm his way out of discussing him again. He was lucky enough to have that sort of excuse; he was hoping to head to a performing arts university the following autumn and there was a lot of competition to be accepted, which his parents completely understood and appreciated so they didn't push it too much.

On top of everything that had happened with regards to Johnny, though, Mark had a thousand other things on his plate by that point. It was a mix of good things and bad things, but it certainly left him in a bad place regardless.

For starters, he had finally hit puberty. Of course, his voice had dropped quite a long time ago, but he it had only hit properly when he was seventeen. He had a very sudden growth spurt which resulted in him growing five inches taller in the space of a few weeks, and frankly he was relieved that he did end up growing. It had ultimately helped him to stop looking like a child, which was his main goal over high school, really. Suddenly he looked like he was a senior in high school and he was no longer being mistaken for someone a lot younger, and it gave him a great sense of maturity.

Then there was the elimination of his baby face. Mark had a particularly round face when he was growing up, but it had essentially transformed over the space of a month or two as well. He had cheek bones and jaw bones and there were angles everywhere. Only the people who saw him less often were able to tell, since it happened gradually over his first term back at school, but it was definitely happening for him and Mark was relieved. He'd never really liked looking like a child, as much as it was supposed to be endearing and cute, and he did think that he looked a lot better with those proportions starting to show. It left him feeling as if he could tackle the world, especially when he received comments on how attractive he'd grown to be over such a short space of time.

On a less positive note, though, he'd also started to grow facial hair. It wasn't a lot, but he was left with weird patches here and there, along with long sideburns that hit his jawline. Mark wasn't too happy with that and had started to shave it. That had worked out really well to start with and he could go maybe three or four days without thinking about it before the hairs started to grow back in, but more recently it started to become a daily task. It wasn't something that Mark really enjoyed in the mornings. More often than not, the soft skin of his face was left with a bumpy razor burn over the patches where he'd shaved, whether he used shaving cream or not, and it was an inconvenience for when he went to school. Shave it and he'd look like he was developing acne. Not shave it and get teased for looking like he was part bear.

That was another thing that had come up, though; acne. Mark was absolutely relieved that he didn't develop it, although he had managed to scar his face here and there by excessively messing with any pimples that did come up in that period. It was starting to become a habit when he was studying in particular. He would be sat in front of his desk with his work book in front of him, one hand on his pen and the other slowly drifting over the skin of his cheeks and forehead. He would pick, scratch or squeeze any raised bumps between a thumb and forefinger, which more often than not resulted in bleeding. He knew that he needed to curb the habit quickly before he ended up with huge scars and breakouts due to stress and hormones, but at the same time, he didn't really know how to go about it. After all, he'd identified the habit, but stopping it was a completely different story. Whilst he could try to make a conscious effort not to do it, it was a habit that came as a result of stress and anxiety, so it was difficult to do so without any additional support.

Overall, his appearance had changed a lot. Mark had managed to go from boy to man over his final year in high school, and it had been a major glow up. So much that he'd even had date offers from a number of girls, sometimes even multiple in one day. His opinion on girls still hadn't changed, but at the same time he decided to go ahead with the dates out of spite. He had completely removed Johnny from his life so there wasn't going to be any need to hold back on dating and relationships nowadays, and he could feel that little bit of smugness brewing from knowing that he was desirable to other people. He was aware of the fact that it was probably a superficial attraction based on his appearance alone, since he was certain that a lot of the girls hadn't even spoken to him before, but for now he didn't care in the slightest. He didn't really like them either, so it didn't matter to him all that much. A date was a date, and that was that.

He'd actually ended up going overboard with the whole dating scene. Mark had a different girl on his arm every week - some who had asked him on dates, and others who he'd asked solely because he knew that they were popular - and he was essentially living the dream of boys his age. He could get almost any girl he wanted with a sweet smile and innocent eyes, and he had absolutely no issue with finding someone to spend the weekend with him. They would go to cinemas, theme parks, zoos, aquariums, shopping malls, and then by Monday, there'd be someone else to take the last girl's place. It was rather strange, but it made him feel empowered. Although he'd stressed that there was no commitment due to his studies taking complete priority, Mark was certain that he'd broken a few hearts in his time, and it really left him with a sense of importance. He had yet to actually fall for a girl in a romantic way, so he had absolutely no problem whatsoever with taking them out and then passing them at school without another word just days later.

It ultimately resulted in him becoming a person of envy. Dozens of different girls, top grades among his year group, eventually accepted into a competitive university. Mark pretty much had it all handed to him on a plate now that he was learning to look after himself some more. He was proud of what he'd achieved since he stopped relying solely on Johnny to be his support and help him out in every situation. He could feel himself becoming his own person; he could be himself if he wanted, or he could make up a persona for himself, and he didn't have to worry about disappointing anyone. He was Mark Lee without any anxiety about appearing to be perfect.

Yet, there was still a strange sense of... loneliness... now that he didn't have an immediate go-to person for all of his struggles.

Of course, he still had Donghyuck, but that was about it. Although his parents were very supportive of his studies and interests, their approach to support was just letting him do his own thing. Between studying every night and going on dates every weekend, he barely saw them at all. Likewise, his brother was grown up and had moved out by that point; he was in his fourth year of a medical degree, so he barely had time to even call them, never mind visit. That was the extent of Mark's long-term social relationships now that Johnny was gone, and honestly he didn't feel that there was any point in making more friends when he only had a short amount of time left at high school and wouldn't be able to give them much of his time at all.

He'd never really been lonely before, so he never really knew how to handle it. It was a huge issue and he didn't like it, and he would have given anything to fill the emptiness in his social relationships. As much as he could go out with girls and have fun in the moment, everything felt uncomfortably superficial and Mark didn't enjoy it half as much as he thought he would. It was one of the perks of always having someone on his side, he figured, since even if that person wasn't necessarily there in the flesh, he didn't feel lonely as long as he thought about them and how it would be when he saw them again.

Instead, this was bothersome and uncomfortable. Sure, his appearance changed and he gradually started to become a man who he did consider to be attractive. He did bump his grades up, he had disposable income and lots of potential girlfriends, if he ever decided that he wanted one, and if he asked any girl for a kiss, she would probably swoon over him and give him exactly what he wanted. In fact, he was certain that at that point he could get a boyfriend, too. He had everything he wanted, but was still miserable about it all. Miserable and lonely and uncomfortable and bothered.

It just wasn't the same without Johnny there, as much as he thought that it would be better without him. Everything that he'd done with himself since he walked out of Johnny's apartment for the last time was out of spite, and was most certainly his attempt at rebelling against everything that he once treasured. It wasn't about trying to bump up his reputation at school, as some people seemed to think, nor was it about making every girl feel important, as he'd told anyone who asked him. He knew better than to think that Johnny would actually find out about the sorts of things that he began to do whilst they weren't speaking, but of course, he still had to do them. It was passive-aggressive, if nothing else; aimed at him indirectly, even if he didn't know about any of it.

But he kept doing his thing without even attempting to avoid it, in the end. He just hoped that every time a family event came up, Johnny would turn up on their doorstep and would know exactly what Mark had done, and he would scold him to start with for going out of his way to rebel and tell him that his resistance was incredibly immature, but then everything would magically be fixed - he'd apologise and hug Mark, and then they would get back to being close.

He knew that it wouldn't happen in reality. The idea was unrealistic and childish. He did still keep some hope that Johnny would turn up to everything that his parents were invited to whenever they ended up visiting Korea again, but the hope quickly turned to disappointment whenever he found that they were coming without him. Even when Johnny was directly invited, there was always some excuse about how he was marking his students' homework or planning his lessons for the week and couldn't come over for even an hour, and so Mark eventually came to accept that it was the end of their time together for good.

The acceptance hit him around a year after they stopped talking. It was a struggle, but Mark was forced to realise that Johnny simply wasn't going to see him again and had to move on as a result. All of a sudden, everything stopped. The dates, the excessive flirting, the bigging himself up, the self-destructive tendencies; they all stopped at once and Mark grew up.

He grew up for himself, and he grew up for his studies. An additional four months of being miserable in school wasn't what he needed, especially since no one else could see through the front that he put on. They couldn't see that he was hurting, and so he figured that there was no point in wasting more time on them. He began to take responsibility and look out for himself better than he was able to do so before. His grades took priority again, and once he didn't have to think about how he would handle imaginary situations that were never going to happen, his mental health gradually started to improve, too.

Mark Lee was absolutely, well and truly, completely and utterly over Johnny Seo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was really hard to write, since there was no interaction with other people and a more implicit obsession with Johnny going on in the background.
> 
> In fact, I wrote the final chapter before I wrote this one and it's significantly longer but was probably 1000% times easier to put into words.
> 
> It'll be posted over the next day or so, so that I can get this fanfic all wrapped up and out of the way!!
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3


	13. Baby

"Good morning, baby."

Mark felt a smile creep onto his face, but decided to keep his eyes closed for now. It was the usual wake up routine in play, and it was something he always tried to draw out for as long as possible. Sure enough, he gradually felt warm lips starting to press delicate kisses down his neck and shoulder, then across his shoulder blade and finally up his spine. They stopped at the nape of Mark's neck and gently tugged on a few strands of his hair before drifting across to the soft patch of skin behind his ear. Mark could feel the dampness of a tongue gently running over his skin, and he immediately shivered with disgust.

"I knew you were awake. You do this every morning." Regardless, Mark felt an arm hook around his waist and draw him closer, and a gentle sigh brushed over his skin. "Do you know what today is?"  
"June 16th?" Mark's voice came out as a tired grumble, even though he did try to appear interested. The response was just a warm laugh as a few more kisses were pressed to his skin.  
"What _about_ June 16th?"  
"It's not our anniversary, or either of our birthdays..."  
"Think about it, Mark; it's not as important as you're expecting it to be."

That's when he realised exactly what was meant. He perked up a bit as it dawned upon him, then broke into a smile as he melted against his boyfriend's front. "It's Saturday, which means no classes." The response was a hum of approval as his boyfriend tried to shuffle even closer to him. Mark simply rolled to face him, then snuggled as close as possible as he pressed a gentle kiss to the lips in front of him.

Mark was certain that them starting to date was a mistake.

It had begun at his high school graduation. He turned up with some flowers for Mark and sheepishly apologised for everything that he did and said over the years. He'd had a year and a half to wallow in self-pity, since he knew that he'd hurt Mark, and he just hoped that he would be able to make it up to him by chatting about everything and airing his feelings. Mark had intended on rejecting the offer and simply getting on with his life, but the moment he saw Johnny's face again, he felt a tugging feeling in his chest that would never leave if he was to send him away.

He could pretend all he wanted that he no longer had feelings for Johnny. He could pretend that moving on had worked incredibly well and he'd managed to forget about Johnny for good. He could find a boyfriend, date him for years, marry him and raise a family together, but if he was to see Johnny after that, the feelings would inevitably come rushing straight back to him. Mark hated it more than anything, but there wasn't much that he could do about it. He simply accepted the flowers and thanked Johnny for turning up to his graduation, then stared at him expectantly, hoping that he would do something drastic to try and gain his affection again.

When nothing happened, Mark outright asked if he was actually going to do anything about it. He hadn't quite forgiven him fully for making him feel so small and insignificant, and Johnny knew that. He stood there in silence, though, trying to figure out what to say, and eventually Mark decided to step up and make suggestions instead. "You could take me to dinner," he suggested, "It can be something to make up for missing my eighteenth in Korean years, my eighteenth in Western years, for my graduation, and also to make up for giving me a shitty excuse instead of a rejection."

Johnny's immediate reaction was to address the cursing, although Mark pointed out that he couldn't scold him when he already had four points against him. One curse word wasn't going to hurt either of them after over a year of not talking.

Instead, Johnny just sighed and agreed that he could take Mark out for a few hours, but with a few conditions. First of all, it absolutely wasn't going to be a date. His mind hadn't changed; Mark was still too young for him, even though they legally could date, and he still saw him as a little brother. Secondly, Mark's parents couldn't know about it. Johnny just didn't want the awkward questions about his intentions when he was just trying to be nice, and as much as he knew that they would be happy to have their son in contact with someone he once admired a lot, Johnny didn't need them jumping to conclusions and making things awkward. After all, going for dinner with just one other person was usually either a date or a business meeting, and this obviously wasn't going to be the latter.

Eventually it came to the day, and Mark had been thankful that his parents were working late, since it meant that he didn't raise any suspicion when he dressed up in a fitted shirt, blazer and smart casual jeans. It was probably too formal for a typical dinner, but Mark wanted to make the best impression possible and prove to Johnny that he was an adult already.

He was quick to go to the door as soon as he heard Johnny knocking for him, and opened it to see his senior in similar attire to his own. It was a relief, to say the least; that way neither of them seemed out of place, regardless of where they went to eat. As soon as Johnny saw him, though, Mark could sense a sudden tension between them. He wasn't sure whether it was a good tension or not to start with, until Johnny finally let out a long breath. "You look really grown up," he pointed out with a smile, "Really handsome, too."

The comment caught Mark off guard, but he didn't say anything about it. Instead, he allowed Johnny to lead him to his car, then drive him straight to their destination. They barely spoke until they got there, but frankly the restaurant seemed to be a lot posher than Mark had originally anticipated, so he ended up bringing it up as they pulled into the car park. "You don't have to take me anywhere expensive," he pointed out as he stared at the building, "I know I was insistent on it, but we can go to a fast food place, if you want. A fried chicken shop, maybe."

"Do you not like this sort of food?" Johnny asked as he parked and turned to face Mark. "I wouldn't want to make you eat it if you don't like it."  
"I do, I just--"  
"That's that, then. I have a reservation, so unless you don't like the food, I'd like to take you in now."

Johnny didn't allow any more arguing. He simply got out of the car and led Mark in. The younger boy felt a bit nervous as they entered the restaurant together, and even more so when he saw the menu items. "Are you sure about this, Johnny? I mean, we can always go elsew--"  
"Mark, if you like the food here, I'd rather we stay. I only ever come here for special occasions, and two birthdays and a graduation is definitely reason enough for us to celebrate."

From that point on, Mark stayed quiet about his concerns. He knew that Johnny was just trying to make everything right between them, but it was strange to have someone want to spend that much on him. He made sure to wait for Johnny to order first, then picked something slightly cheaper from the menu. As they waited, Johnny started to talk with him about everything that he'd missed over the past year, in hopes of calming Mark down, and eventually it got to the point where he was able to relax a lot more.

In fact, they ended up hitting it off really well. Mark relaxed into the environment as time went on and gradually came to forget the price of the food, and Johnny seemed to warm up to him a lot more as the meal progressed. They ended up laughing together, which Mark certainly didn't expect, and Johnny didn't even mention Mark's childhood unless it was brought up by his junior first. Everything was about the time that they'd missed away from each other, and it felt like a proper adult date, as far as Mark was concerned.

Some of the topics were even far from anything that Johnny and Mark had ever discussed before. It was more mature in nature, touching over rather interesting topics; Mark's first kiss with a girl, Johnny's attempt at dating since they'd last met, the poorly hidden affairs at their respective workplaces, and eventually their feelings towards relationships. Mark certainly hadn't expected some of the things that came up, especially not that Johnny worked with kids but actually didn't want any of his own at any point in the future. He laughed and told Mark that the baby stage made him feel gross, but when Mark pointed out how he'd had to deal with his grubby hands and bedwetting stage, he was promptly informed that that was different. Mark was always a polite child, always washed his hands when asked and apologised for soaking through his bedsheets, and Johnny couldn't find it in himself to be angry. Besides, Mark wasn't quite a baby, and at least he didn't have to change soiled nappies for him.

Then came the topic of marriage. Had it been a date, it would have most certainly been too forward to talk about that sort of thing, but luckily they were both comfortable with discussing it. Johnny's parents had been pushing him to find someone and get married, since they wanted him to settle down by the time he was thirty four, and they had even offered to set him up with someone if he wanted that. Of course, Johnny rejected, but he it got him thinking about his poor ability to have lasting relationships. Even though he had a number of dates over the past year, he never once managed to get a call back from any of them and whilst he was upset to start with, he eventually came to realise that he preferred being single. That way, he could make the rules and not have to worry about anyone else interfering.

Mark, on the other hand, was a huge hopeless romantic. He confessed to looking at any person other than his dates, knowing full well that they probably wouldn't be into guys and almost certainly wouldn't go for someone who had yet to turn eighteen if they were. He had a thing for older guys, since he figured that they were more romantic and sensitive to his needs in comparison to guys of his age, but he guessed that there was still a lot of time to date. He had disappointed himself with the decision to stop dating for a while, even though the dates he'd been on were always with people he wasn't even attracted to in a romantic sense, but figured that it was the right thing to do until he found the perfect person.

Johnny could see that. He guessed from a young age that Mark would be into the whole 'soul mate' thing and would want a relationship where the honeymoon period lasted a lifetime. He wanted someone who would romance him and make him feel important, and it was just a very Mark thing to want. When it was mentioned, Mark got particularly embarrassed and tried to talk himself out of the situation until Johnny admitted that he found it really sweet and endearing that Mark was set on finding the perfect partner.

Then it came to desserts. Whilst a lot of Korean restaurants didn't offer sweet things for after the main meal, this one was particularly Westernised and so incorporated those ideas of sweet treats and sharing desserts. As soon as they were handed the menus, Mark made it known that he wanted to share something with Johnny, and despite the fact that it was probably a bit intimate to be doing that sort of thing when they weren't actually on a proper date, Johnny agreed and let him pick what they were going to have.

Of course, it had taken all of two minutes for Mark to make a decision. He found something on the menu that was essentially an adult version of the first dessert they shared back when Johnny was his babysitter and took him out for their wedding meal. It was an ice cream dish, and he knew that it would tick every box for his senior, too. It was one of the big things that he remembered from his childhood, since Johnny had made such a big deal out of their wedding, and whilst he was a bit concerned that it was cheesy and childish for him to do something like that, he wanted to to show Johnny that perhaps it was right for them to see each other again. If nothing else, it gave a tingle of nostalgia for both of them to enjoy.

Despite the fact that Johnny had insisted on it not being a date, the dessert sharing was saying something completely different. Johnny had even fed Mark a few mouthfuls from his own spoon and Mark had tried to feed him back, although he missed and almost ended up dropping the spoonful down his front. There was a romantic atmosphere radiating from them at that point; Mark couldn't tell whether Johnny was able to sense it too, but he was getting the feeling that the little comments were turning to flirting and the playful battles over dessert were making sparks fly between them. As much as he was certain that he'd moved on, Mark was still very much in love with Johnny after all of that time, and he hoped more than anything that now he was an adult, it was a mutual feeling between them.

There was no denying it anymore. Every time their eyes met across the table, Johnny was finding an excuse to divert his eyes, but it was in an embarrassed sort of way, rather than an uncomfortable one. Mark could see the slightest hint of a blush touching his senior's cheeks, and Johnny was chewing his lips a lot, which he did when he was nervous about something. It was something that would have usually led to a kiss across the table, as far as Mark was concerned, but he wasn't prepared to take that step in case he was severely misinterpreting his senior's body language. Instead, he simply mirrored it, in hopes that it would show Johnny that he was feeling just as nervous about the feelings that were coming to rise between them.

The date finished a lot better than it had started. They were a lot more talkative in the car ride home, and Mark had completely loosened up now that they had shared their experience together. Here and there, their hands would brush near the gear stick, and whilst initially Johnny would move his hand away quickly, eventually it got to the point where his fingertips would brush against Mark's slowly and more deliberately. Johnny even got out of the car to see him to the door when they arrived, since his parents were still out and he wanted to make sure that Mark got into the house safe, but once the door was unlocked, Mark simply turned to face Johnny with a look of confidence on his face.

"Thank you for this. It really means a lot to me," he told him as he gazed directly into his eyes. Yet, Johnny didn't respond for the moment. He stood there in silence, looking like a rabbit caught in headlights as he tried to find the words to tell him how he'd enjoyed their time together - or perhaps not, Mark figured - but nothing came. Mark could tell that something was wrong with Johnny from the way that he stared at him, but instead of asking directly, he simply tilted his head a fraction to the side.

It had apparently been the invitation that Johnny needed. He leaned in swiftly, grabbing Mark's chin between two fingers and a thumb, then pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. It was short and sweet, but it left Mark's entire body on fire. A cliche doorstep kiss was the last thing he expected from Johnny, but he absolutely loved it and would have given anything for another kiss as romantic as that one.

That was the start of everything between them. Johnny tried to flee as soon as the kiss was over, but Mark insisted that he go into the house for a while and spend some time with him. It was too awkward, though; too uncomfortable for Johnny to even think about kissing him on the sofa that he'd nursed him on when he was sick, or in the bed where he used to tell him stories about knights and dragons. He wanted this Mark to be completely separate to the boy he'd seen grow up in front of him, and he made sure to point out that he was only able to kiss him like that because he had spent so many years away and not seen him develop into a man.

Mark kissed him again regardless. He kissed him hard and with a desperation that he hadn't felt since Johnny left his side ten years earlier to go to university. For a moment, Johnny just held him close, but eventually he was forced to draw for air and instead moved to hug him tightly. "I think I need some time to think about my feelings for you," he finally breathed against Mark's ear, "It's hit all at once, and it's scaring me."

As much as it hurt to hear it, Mark completely understood what Johnny meant. Considering that Johnny had insisted on nothing romantic, it must have been hard for him to come to terms with what he'd done. Mark allowed his senior to step away and wish him a good night, and it was the last they spoke of it for a few days. In fact, it was the last they'd spoken at all during that time.

Those few days absolutely killed Mark; he didn't really want to message Johnny first when he promised to give him space, but there was a little niggling feeling in the pit of his gut that insisted that Johnny was going to run for the hills. He wouldn't have really blamed him, considering their history together, but Mark was finally starting to feel that things between them were improving. Of course, his own selfish feelings didn't matter for the moment; for the first time he was getting to see how genuinely scared his senior was to have those sorts of feelings for him, and he just needed to hope that the odds that were stacked against them would no longer matter this time around.

He'd been surprised, as a result, when he finally received the text to confirm Johnny's feelings:  
"I think I fell for you. I never considered you before, but you've grown into the most charming young man. I'm not going to call you my boyfriend just yet because we both need some more time to build up to that, so instead I want to ask you on a second date. Or a first. Depends how you see it."

It had been the start of everything. From that point, their relationship moved faster than Mark could have possibly imagined. After just a few dates, they made their relationship official. Of course, his parents were still not aware of that, since Johnny was paranoid that they would make assumptions about everything rather than listen to his actual genuine feelings for their son, but right now, Mark didn't care in the slightest. They didn't need to know about his romantic relationships, and they were only going to meet Johnny as his boyfriend if they ended up discussing a potential engagement well into the future.

For now, they were just vague about it when discussing their relationship with other people. Mark was 'someone Johnny had met a long time ago', whilst Johnny was 'someone Mark grew up with'. They gave generic descriptions if they were asked for them, and there were always excuses as to why they didn't have photos together. Johnny had left his phone at home during their date, or the photos didn't save properly to Mark's phone. They gave generic names for their partners, Jihoon and Sungmin, and just hoped that their parents wouldn't put the pieces together.

Mark started university in late September and he ended up moving into Johnny's apartment with him. After all, it was going to be expensive otherwise and they were close enough to be able to spend at least his first year together. It was rather strange for him to see how quickly they slipped into the role of cohabiting, though; duties were split between them in a matter of days, and they quickly began to leave notes for each other with instructions to pick up milk or a reminder to let the chicken defrost for dinner or an jotted emergency number for the electrician who was due to visit that afternoon. It was exactly where Mark had seen them getting eventually, and he was so so glad to be able to do that sort of thing with Johnny.

He was also impressed by the amount of intimacy that they managed to fit into their busy schedules, too. It was the absolute highlight of his time whilst they were living together. Johnny had insisted that every bit of intimacy they shared had to be non-sexual until they were thinking about marriage at the very earliest, since he didn't really think it was all that necessary, and so they had ended up sharing different sorts of intimacy instead; everything from cuddling chest to chest on the sofa to taking showers together, from head rubs to dessert dates, and from watching the clouds together to curling up in bed next to each other. It was romantic and always paved the way for a relaxing evening, which they both appreciated.

It was the mornings that they woke up next to each other were what Mark ultimately lived for, though.

As much as it was probably a huge mistake that they actually started a romantic relationship, those mornings together made him glad that it had happened. Saturday mornings in particular were his favourites; even though it was getting to be warm outside in June, their apartment was still cool in the mornings, and it meant that they were left snuggling even closer. When Johnny slept in just boxers, his skin would be warm in the mornings, but when Mark did the same, he would be left with cold limbs. He made a point of wrapping his legs around Johnny's in hopes that his boyfriend would warm him up, and in the end Johnny simply rolled onto him so that he was squished underneath him.

"Is that warm enough for you?" he asked with a laugh, watching as Mark squirmed underneath him, then rolled off him again in a way that pulled the younger boy on top of him instead. The bed sheets were pulled tightly around them to stop any of the cool morning air getting to Mark's milky skin. "Or would breakfast warm you up better? Pancakes with maple and peanut butter sauce? Or hot fudge sauce today?"  
"Both."  
"Both?" Johnny let out a laugh before moving a hand up to stroke his hair, "You're spoilt, Mark Lee. I'll be back in ten minutes, okay?"

Mark let out a noise of disapproval as he wrapped himself tighter around his boyfriend, "It's too cold for you to leave. And you'll be freezing when you get back in bed."  
"What, do you want me to take you with me or something?" It sounded like a good idea, Mark agreed. Johnny simply rolled his eyes and tossed one of his big jumpers and sweatpants over in Mark's direction and instructed him to pull them on, before scooping him up in the duvet and carrying him through to the kitchen.

It was a surprise that Johnny didn't set them both on fire with Mark clinging to him in that way. When he was tired, Mark didn't like to let go, and so he ended up wrapped around Johnny's back with the duvet over him like a cape. Johnny sung to him as he prepared the meal and occasionally brought his boyfriend's hands up to his mouth so that he could kiss them and heat them up with the tickle of warm breath.

Mark knew from those little moments that he still had Johnny wrapped tightly around his fingers. Nowadays, it was just in a slightly different way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this ending probably came from the fact that I'm isolated and alone and want friends, but I sort of wanted something cute to finish off with?? Like they've had so much going on, and whilst Johnny had to decide whether or not he could morally stand the thought of being with Mark, sometimes situations change. The age difference is still a bit of an issue, but it's better as it is rather than how it was when he was younger. As people grow, age differences aren't as much of a big deal anymore; ten years as an eighteen and twenty eight year old are completely different to a sixteen and twenty six year old, and a world apart from a fourteen and twenty four year old. Obviously 20+ year old Mark is more ideal, but that's how it ended up playing out.
> 
> Alternate endings that were potentially put forward:  
> * Johnny and Taeil get together again in the year apart  
> * Johnny leaves to live in America again and Mark finds out a lot later  
> * Mark's parents insist on taking him back to Canada  
> * Mark and Johnny end up going on that first date but Mark realises that the age difference is too big between them  
> * They end up going on the date but Mark realises that the attraction isn't there anymore  
> * They go on the date and whilst Johnny ends up developing feelings, Mark's are gone  
> * The date leads to a brief fling between them but then they part and never talk again  
> * They make a promise to try things in the future if both of them are single
> 
> Honestly it was really hard to choose so I did end up going for the one that was keeping me up at night, but hopefully it ended up being a good choice
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


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